#he doesnt need to breathe due to being a spirit but like. if you look close under all of his layers you can see it. and if ur close enough

[rockfact]

oh i love making fucked up character notes

[blueeandyellowmakesgreen]

so @strangeswift gave me a writing prompt of will bonding with someone through art, and mike getting jealous and i got.. uh.. carried away 😁😁

anyway, hope you enjoy it!!

will finds himself painting a lot lately. due to their, er, current situation, it was hard to find the best art materials, but he guesses it was a perfect opportunity to try out more sketching just to get it out of his system.

he sits on an empty bench near hawkins high, currently waiting for mike to finish his volunteering shift. mike actually asked him to stay with him, but he insisted he needed some fresh air alone. he tried to ignore mike’s hurt puppy expression and the somber way he said ‘oh, okay.’ as he requested it.

he didnt know what he was drawing. he practically had two full pages full of scribbles that amounted to nothing, that it led him to exhale out of frustration. he places the crumpled pages close to him so he makes sure to properly throw it later. he hated not being able to make things. it was the only way to keep him distracted from his thoughts, but his mind just decided…not to cooperate. the brain’s funny like that. will’s brain is funny like that. he had the biggest art block since the entire world ended and all that could occupy his mind was his stupid unrequited crush. so sue him for not making the creative juices flow enough.

that is, until he sees a particular guy at his proximity. he looked like a student, and he was talking with his friends. he seemed cheerful, a bright spirit with the way his laugh projects from where will was sitting. long, curly hair brunette, with kind eyes. he was wearing an oversized polo with that was effortlessly tucked into his shorts. if will was staring any longer like a creep, he could have sworn he saw piercings under his nose too.

and before will knew it, will draws a stroke, then two. it didnt take long until he was drawing a wisp of the boy’s hair, building it up. absentmindedly, his hands begin to move on its own as he puts in a couple of short strokes in a certain area. the lines lead to a nose with a strong bridge. he transitions to putting quite some detail in the subject’s lips, and then the kind eyes will took in great detail of.

just a couple of details, some subtle shading and… done.

will marvels at his new creation, and he found it hard not to stare. mostly because he couldnt believe he was capable of drawing something this good. he believed at least, that it was enough to capture this person’s beauty, that was worth something. and even if he’s the only one he’d think that, he’ll hold it close. he lets himself be proud of this one.

‘’tsk. damn, i knew i was attractive, but…’’

will jumps at the voice behind him. as if on instinct, he swiftly fumbles to close his sketchbook and set it aside. his head darts from his sketchbook, to the guy behind him.

and after a few short glances, will concludes this is not just some guy. this was the guy who he was just fucking sketching in public and now he has no idea how to get out of this situation that doesnt make him seem like a creep.

but he also found it rude to leave the guy hanging overall. he takes a deep breath. whats the harm in digging the grave a bit deeper?

‘’h-hey, uh.. listen about this...i dont normally do this. draw like this in public.’’ will manages to croak out. smooth.

the boy’s kind eyes smile. ‘’but im just soo handsome that i broke that habit out of you? im flattered.’’

‘’i-im sorry, i didnt mean to freak you out. let me just..’’ will stammers, in the process of tearing out the paper where the sketch is. before he starts to crumple it, the boy suddenly holds will’s hand. will knew it was to stop him, but the fact a boy is holding his hand thats not a threat in any way is making his brain short circuit a bit.

‘’before you do that..can i see it?’’ the boy asks earnestly. will could only stare, incredulous. ‘’come on, its my face. i at least have a right to see it.’’

‘’it-it’s not really that good.’’

‘’ill be the judge of that.’’ he smirks, and gently takes the sketch off of will’s hands. he leaves him with a flirtatious smirk leaving will flushed.

he then turns his gaze onto the paper and continues to look at it for what seemed like an eternity for will. he scans his face for a reaction, but it looked like the boy was still making his final verdict.

will was dying. he didnt know why he cared about the opinion of this boy so much, but he did. hell, something must have possessed him, because the last time he drew a boy he found pretty was mike wheeler and he was basically his muse. he felt like he was betraying mike somehow, even if he never actually told mike he was the constant subject of a of his paintings.

will wanted to jump off a cliff from this humiliating revalation.

‘’you’re amazing,’’ the boy’s booming voice brings will back to reality. ‘’i love the way you shade. you brought out my features so well in a way thats you. like from this piece alone, i can tell what your distinctive art style is, and that is insanely difficult to pull off. you should be proud!’’

will finds himself at a loss of words from the sudden compliment. he has no doubt his face is as red as an apple right now. all he could do was nod rapidly, and mutter a simple thanks. the boy attempts to flip a page, only to look back at will with a look asking for approval. will nods again to accept. one person looking at his sketchbook couldnt hurt, right?

..until he reaches the forbidden page where its full of mike drawings. he feels his cheeks glow red again, heart rate beating. he cant believe he forgot that was even there. this is why he doesnt let people see his stuff! its all of his feelings in one page!

however, he wasnt met with a look of disgust. just curiosity, and softness. ‘’these are all great. i can see youve been experimenting with a lot of mediums here; acrylic, charcoal. have you tried oil?’’

‘’oh.. yeah. oil is a little new for me. im meaning to get better at it though.’’

‘’good. its good to be an all rounder.’’ the boy says enthusiastically as he flips more pages, the beaming look of genuine awe never leaving his face. more pages of his sketches of mike show up, and will intends to coil himself into a ball until he shrinks to nonexistence.

‘’i notice you draw this guy a lot. is he someone you like?’’

will freezes.

the boy closes the sketchbook, waving his hands in the air. ‘’no, no, shit! um…dont worry. dont worry, okay? fuck, i keep forgetting it’s…’’ the boy sighs. will starts to get confused at his reaction. why was he taking this so strongly?

‘’im…i didnt mean to scare you. its just.. im.. i mean, if you are..’’ the boy continues to stammer, and will feels himself lean closer.

could he also be..?

‘’m-my boyfriend. im an artist too, actually. and i tend to draw him a lot.’’ he finally lets out, his hand gently caressing will’s sketchbook and brings it back to him. ‘’its normal.’’

‘its normal.’

its normal.

will repeats it to himself like a mantra.

will holds out a breath he didnt know he was holding. he smiles widely. god, hes actually meeting someone who’s just like him. unfortunately taken, but wow.

we do exist.

‘’well..he’s not my boyfriend though.’’ will mutters, playing with the spirals on the top of his sketchbook. his smile drops once he says it. ‘’mike-his name is mike- has a girlfriend. well, had a girlfriend.’’

‘’oh fuck.’’

‘’.. who just so happens to be my sister.’’

‘’oh fuck.’’

will finds himself smiling at his reaction. yeah, he knows his situation’s the worst, but at least he can get a kick out of how people are taking it. ‘’yep.’’ he replies popping the ‘p’ at the end.

‘’im sorry, man.’’

‘’its okay. all i wanted was for us to be best friends again. but lately, i feel like…we aren’t anymore.’’

‘’why do you say that?’’

will still finds it strange and shocking how he’s openly telling someone about his definitely not straight feelings to a stranger, but in all honesty he never felt safer in his life. so he finds it in himself to continue.

‘’i-i don’t know,’’ will scoffs. ‘’i don’t even know what i did. we’re at such a.. weird stage in our friendship right now that i dont even know what we are. first he ignores me for her, now when he broke up with her, hes running back to me spouting about he wants to be friends, and now hes gone back to fixating over her and ignoring me again. like… i feel like’s playing with me. and i hate myself for it. i should get angry, but all i can do is accept when he runs back to me, even if its so unfair. because unfortunately, ive been in love with this stupid guy for as long as i can remember, and i feel stuck.’’

will presses his lips to a line, and closes his eyes. before he knew it, tears slowly started to come down. and now he’s crying to a stranger. great! ‘’sorry. i never.. met someone like me before, so this is..’’

‘’dont apologize, alright man? i get it,’’ the boy says as he gently rubs will’s back. ‘’this is huge for me too.’’

‘’how did you know? weren’t you worried i was going to..be disgusted, or something?’’ will asks.

he shrugs. ‘’i dont know. there’s something about you. about me. we just know, right?’’

will wipes his tears and sniffs. ‘..yeah. right.’’

‘’and concerning your friend…’’ the boy smiles gradually. ‘’don’t give up.’’

‘’what?’’

‘’after what you told me? something tells me its.. not over between you two.’’

before will could inquire any more, a gentle but tight grip lands on his shoulder. he turns around, it was mike. ‘’hey, sorry for the wait. you good?’’

‘’oh, yeah.’’ will turns to the boy with kind eyes with a big grin. ‘’im really glad i met you.’’

the boy grins back. ‘’me too! is there any way we can keep in touch?’’

‘’yeah! yeah, let me just..’’ will tears a small piece of paper from his sketchbook and starts writing his number down. before he could continue, he turns to mike with an apologetic look. ‘’sorry for this mike, give me 2 minutes.’’

‘’sure, whatever.’’ mike says flatly, not even looking at will. he was crossing his arms, his demeanor all grumpy.

okay, weird. did something happen back in the school?

will finishes writing the number and gives it to the boy. ‘’this is at the wheeler’s place, but we’re just staying over there. you can just ask for me.’’

‘’i mean i would, but i dont even know your name.’’

before will could open his mouth, mike takes over for him. ‘’his name is will. what’s yours?’’

what seemed like an innocent question sounded very threatening and condescending to everyone else.

he squints before answering. ‘’my name’s ty. yours?’’ he asks rather teasingly. will is so lost, because ty is looking at mike like he’s an open book, and he knows the chapters like the back of his hand.

‘’mike. mike wheeler.’’ he extends his arm for a handshake. ty reaches out to accept it but once he reached a glimpse of contact, mike pulls back immediately as if he was burnt. ty doesnt seem too bothered though. if anything, he feels like he was expecting that. ‘’ahhh.. so you’re mike.’’ ty says with one side of his lips curving upward.

will felt the tension rise. he did not like it.

mike clears his throat. ‘’will, we need to go. curfew, remember?’’

‘’since when did you care about curfew?’’ will smirks.

‘’i don’t,’’ mike rolls his eyes. ‘’honestly, i just wanna go home.’’

‘’okay, okay.’’ will obliges. he takes one last look at ty, who was giving the two a knowing look as they walk away. again, weird. what the hell does ty know about them after a 10 minute conversation?

he then turns back to mike whose back was more slumped than usual, walking a little faster than will. will jogs up to catch up to him.

‘’so, how was your shift?’’ will asks awkwardly.

‘’it was fine.’’

‘’..mike, did something happen? because you seem a little…’’

‘’im fine, will.’’

‘’..okay.’’

the atmosphere was very tense now, and will didnt want to escalate it further than it has. he knew mike was already drifted away, and he did not want to make it more complicated. he got the message, theyre not that close anymore. done.

but mike suddenly stops in his steps, which makes will do the same. ‘’mike?’’

‘’will.. did you.. draw him?’’

will has been turning red a lot today lately. ‘’w-what?’’

‘’that.. guy. did you draw him?’’

‘’i.. did. did you see that?’’ will yells at himself, beating himself up internally for drawing in public, for putting his heart out on his sleeve. curse one cute guy for making him submit. he feels mike walk closer to him. his heart beats rapidly. this was it. he was mentally preparing for mike to hate him, tell him he’s disgusting, and that he never wants to see him again.

‘’do you draw me?’’

‘’what?’’

‘’i know you draw me with the rest of the party, with.. dnd stuff but..’’ now it was mike’s turn to fumble in his words and mannerisms, and will has no fucking idea on why, but by god was it adorable to watch.

‘’i just wanna know if you drew me too. like, just me. portraits, you call it?’’

after what you told me? something tells me its.. not over between you two.

it was that one recalling of a conversation that made will feel a little bit bold that day. ‘’..yeah. lots of times, actually.’’ will looks down with a shy smile on his face.

‘’good.’’ mike whispers.

‘’huh?’’

‘’fuck. nothing. um…okay. cool.’’

‘’yeah.. cool.’’

…

‘’will you be drawing him more than..me?’’

will cannot believe what he’s hearing right now. did the universe just decide to fuck with him today? is he getting targeted right now? a sick, cruel joke?

will doesn’t think so, because all he sees right now is mike. the mike he misses. the mike who talks to him all gently, who’s himself. nervous, wreck of a human being mike wheeler. mike wheeler, the love of his life. forever the subject of his paintings.

will looks up at mike, and their eyes lock.

‘’not possible.’’

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Wilfords Demands: Who Do You Belong To?

Summary- 5.2 k. Curtis Everett x Y/N. Written for @mcudarklibrary​ Kink Challenge- April. You’ve been in Curtis care for a few weeks now. He has no hesitation in reminding you who you belong to. Warnings- Dub Con/Non Con situations, punishments treatment, drug and alcohol mentions. 

Chapter One- Just Another Prisoner / Masterlist 

“So Curtis, how are you liking your new girl?” Wilford asked curiously as he flicked some crumbs off his luscious red robe, frowning as he rubbed at what looked like a smudge, under his breath he complained. “Those fucking cleaners never do anything right. Useless the lot of them.” The older man chose to ignore it for now, turning back to Curtis sitting opposite of him, Claude pouring fresh tea into two delicate china mugs. “Isnt she something, as soon as I saw her on camera, I knew you would like her. Yes, shes a bit thin still, but get some meat on her, and she will have all those nice curves to keep you occupied.” 

Curtis nodded his thanks to Claude and reached to take the cup, contemplating what Wilford was talking about, you were rather lovely in your innocence. All Curtis had to still do was look at you a certain way, and your cheeks would turn pink and your glance would look away from him, sometimes a tiny whine would issue, making him grin. “Im liking her quite fine. She was an innocent you know? I was surprised.” Wilford winked over his cup while he added generous amounts of honey comb to his cup, swirling his cup a bit before taking a sip.

“I had hoped she would be, How the fuck I know, pretty little thing like that. I am a bit disappointed she isnt pregnant yet though, but in due time I know. I just get impatient.” 

Curtis kinda shrugged a bit, he never really cared what Wilford did with the kids they made him, but this time it kinda rubbed him the wrong way. He didnt seem to pick up on it, or chose to ignore it, falling into another subject that Wilford used them for. Entertainment for the front enders for a couple months a year, a sport. 

“Also, its about time for the games, and Im putting my goods on you Curtis, Do not disappoint. Once you get in that ring, murder the sons of bitches.” The true purpose of the games, weed out the weak. So far only three of the original group still survived, Curtis was one of them for his brutal approach to all of it. He was a survivalist first, and had no issue getting blood all over in the process.

“Yes I know, trust me, I dont want my ass fucking dead.” Curtis growled out and grew impatient, ready to get back to you. “We done shooting the shit Wilford, or you ready for this months supplies?” 

“God your always so fucking impatient to leave my company.” Wilford rolled his eyes and sighed as if hurt, Curtis just stared at him waiting for him to get on with it. “Okay, my boy... let me know what you want.” 

Curtis wasted no time, filling out his demands and leaving straight afterwards. There was only so much time he could stand being in that mans presence. His spirit uplifted a bit knowing he would be seeing you again. You were still quiet in his presence, trying to remain unnoticed, but he was always aware of your presence unlike any other woman he had ever been with. Sometimes he would draw out conversation from you. But your answers were usually short, clipped, or you shrugged not knowing how to answer. Seeing how you lived in the tail end all your life, there was simply things you didnt know about. That was okay, you would learn about these things soon enough. 

Opening the door and stepping in, you were curled in the seat near the window, a book resting on your knee and gaze out the window watching the speeding landscape. You jumped slightly when Curtis entered and pulled your legs up nervously to watch him. Always so observant his girl was. "You havent seem to gotten to far while I was gone." nearby he sat down some bags of stuff he brought back with him, the items he had asked for from Wilford.

Your fingers trail down the spine and you slide it to the table, shaking you head softly. "Cant concentrate Curtis." Wary was how you were of this man, who stalked around his room till he moved to sit on the edge of the bed nearby. "Hmmm, do you not like it?" How brow arched and a your voice rose in a rush, as you clutched at the book. "No no, t-thank you... Its not that." You didnt want to loose a gift he brought you. Already reading through the few he had, you had gotten bored being unable to leave the small room. Curtis had requested a book for you with Wilford, and as you were finding out, Wilford accommodated Curtis requests typically.

"I was tested again, and still negative... " your voice dropped, admitting to your distraction. At first the news would cause Curtis to curse, drag you back to bed to try again.

So your head dropped, waiting to be yanked onto the mattress, but these past few weeks, he changed. Sometimes your news didn't cause any reaction, he would leave you to what you were doing. You trembled a bit, waiting to see what today would bring.

Curtis isnt sure when it changed for him, that he actually liked this one, it was something more then what was required of him, having any interest in his charge. You, a little tail ender was so innocent in to what he did to you, that he found it endearing. Her little surprised mewls when he taught you some new sense gave him satisfaction. He patted his knee. “Come over here Y/N” 

The tension raised between the two of you when you hesitated, curling your hands together and your face wanted to defy him, he could see the flash in your eyes and the way your breathing flared your nose. Curtis arched a brow daring you to tell him no. Oh would you? He almost wanted you to, that primal part of him loved overpowering you beneath him. You were so defeated when he first got his hands on you, but he felt that you had a bit of fire somewhere still, it just needed to be ignited. 

After a few seconds though you went back to your resigned manner and unfolded your legs approaching him, moving to stand in between his spread thighs. “Dont worry about the negative, it doesnt always happen right away.” His fingers snapped at your pants buttons and slid them down with a jerk, your hand bracing against his shoulder to keep from loosing balance and lifting your feet to loose your pants. He pushed your shirt up. “Get rid of all this to.” 

Lifting your shirt and tossing it aside, that deep blush he admired so much spread down from your face and neck, flaring over your collarbone. His mouth smirked until he lashed his tongue over a nipple, teasing the other with pinching fingertips. “But how long till they get impatient Curtis?” you took a shuddering breath feeling the warmth of his mouth tease you to a peak, rubbing your thighs together as heat pooled faster then you expect it to in your core. “Im ready to be done and go back home.” He growled at this, biting enough for you to yelp, and try to pull away but his legs have you trapped in between them. 

“What makes you think your going back Y/N?” He growled deeply, whipping you around, and pulling you back into his lap with one muscled forearm circled around your waist. “I already told you, you were given to me to use.” your hands were grasping his forearm pressed around your midsection, and you whine softly at his words. “But once Im pregnant you wont want me in your space, why wouldnt they send me back till birth?” 

“Cause, Im keeping you. Open your mouth.” He demanded and grabbed a hold of your jaw, forcing your mouth to open, his other arm loosened around your waist and moved two fingers to your mouth.“suck, get them good and wet Y/N”  his fingers pressed against your tongue and you immediately started to suck on his digits. doing your best to do as he asked. “As I told you a few weeks ago, your issued to me for at least the next few years.” Shifting his legs to hook yours over his knees and spread his legs so your thighs spread apart wide for him, the rush of cooler air hitting your aroused flesh made you moan around his fingers pressing against your tongue. “Your here till your used up or Im tired of you.” His voice, was so final as he yanked his fingers out from your mouth, tracing your bottom lip with one of the drenched fingers. “And then your still not going back there Honey. He wont let you go back home” 

Before you could fully register what Curtis was telling you, he dropped his hand to your cunt, his fingers warm and wet from how you worked them traced your pussy lips, soft under his fingertips, his biting kiss on your neck was a stark contrast, making you attempt to pull away, but he once more clamped his arm around your waist to keep you in place, his long middle digit dipping in between the folds, tease your sensitive flesh. “N-never? even if I was useless to have children?” 

“No, never. Have you ever seen anyone return to the tail end? Your not an exception. Trust me... You could be in a worst place then with me.” Continuing to rub your cunt, circling your aroused bud but never quite touching when he would return to stroking and teasing her entrance with slight dips of his fingers, collecting your arousal to spread. “I am not the only man who does this, and plenty are cruel to there partners.” It was getting harder to focus on Curtis as he started finally touching where you ached, his arm tightening when you would arch and let your head fall back to his shoulder. Pressing his lips to your temple. “Curtis... Its,,,” 

“Feels good right? Most the time it will if Im doing my job right,” Assuring as he let two fingers fill your wet heated entrance, making you open your thighs wider, his own adjusting to help you keep them spread. You were panting, rocking your hips to meet his thrusting digits. If you werent so caught up in the moment, you would have been embarrassed of the squelching sound your wet cunt was making the faster he pumped his fingers. Your walls started to clench around him, and that little firey coil started to tighten in your lower belly. 

“M-most of the time?” You managed to utter, and Curtis chuckled while biting lightly on your earlobe. “Well your a temptation, this tight little body.” His fingers hooked when he said that, come along with me baby. He would stroke your walls to comply with his wishes, fighting against his hold, and you were crying out when you pushed back into his chest, locking and shaking, flooding his hand. “Wouldnt be hard for me to loose control and just fuck you into the mattress” 

Your thighs are trying pushing to close, aching from being stretched open, and fighting through your orgasm. He shoved you forward slightly to undo his pants, and you lean forward to brace your hands against your knees, your head dipping forward to catch your breath. It wasnt long you felt his cock pressing against your back. God you fucking hope he never lost control with you, You could barely handle him now, and everything he did was measured calculated. Curtis did nothing without giving it some thought, you knew this. 

Hands at your hips, lifted your ass enough so he could fit himself into your core, and eased you back, slowly so he inched in, making you stretch around him but it still made you hold your breath till you were full of him, every movement you made, made you groan, his thrusts were quick upward angled jabs, pressing deeper and you still braced your hands while arching your breasts forward, this angle was so fucking full, concentrating was impossible. There was just rushed thrusts and grinding your hips back down. 

Somewhere it registered his cussing against your neck, as his thrusts pressed forward longer in your clenching pussy. “Fuck your so good, just gonna fill you till your dripping with cum.” He grunted against the back of your neck, his fingers digging into your hips and started to move you faster, bouncing you, and you just rode it till he roared and warm jets of his cum started to fill you. Your channel flexed around his cock, milking him for the last of it, and you collapse back against him, covering your face with your hands and giving a soft sob from your second orgasm within a short time. 

Pulling himself from him, he swiped his fingers through your cunt and scooped his cum back into you, making you quiver slightly at the sensation. Curtis gave a possessive nip to your neck, and shifted your legs back to a close. Fuck the muscles ached, all you wanted to do was lay down, the muscles in your thighs screaming with a burn. Curtis tapped your thigh to stand. “Dont be letting that run down your leg Y/N,” You nod and go to stand, your legs shaking enough to look like you might wipe out, Curtis hands shot out and grasped your hips to draw you back and sit on the bed. “Probably need a moment to get your legs back.” 

Tucking himself back in his pants, he let you claim the bed and went to where he had ditched the bags he brought back from Wilfords. You dragged a blanket over your naked body and watched with curiosity as he pulled out some clothing for you, nicer then the stuff youve been wearing. “Whats that for?” you asked curiously. 

Curtis brought the skirt and top over to let you inspect them. “They are for you. There is a entertainment car, and I figured your ready to meet others. I trust you to remember who you belong to” Your eyes brightened at the idea of seeing others, even if they were front enders. “Hows your legs? If you can stand, were going in half an hour.” He took the rest of the bag and turning his back to you, stored away a few books Wilford gave him, a treat for you later if you got to bored and deserved them. Curtis hoped there would come a time where you wanted to please him, not had to please him. 

While he was doing this, you tested yourself, and gathered the clothing to your bare chest. “they are fine... I will go get ready Curtis.” You escaped quickly into the bathroom, easing the door mostly closed. You rubbed your face in the soft long sleeve, it was the softest thing you could remember feeling and when you tugged the clothing on, braiding your hair to sweep straight down your back well past your waist, you couldnt remember feeling this way, like you were being showed off,and you kind of liked it. Stepping out, your clear your throat a bit and Curtis looks up from where he had been reading the spot you left in your books. 

Fuck you look good. Curtis nods his approval, and you nervously pick at the shirt, biting back a grin in your excitement. A warm rush tingles Curtis seeing you so damn happy for the first time since he brought you back a book, and unlocking the door, he held it open for you, beckoning you to step out. Going to step out the door, your hand braced on the door frame as you peeked out, it was empty, which your heart sunk a little and with a gentle ease of Curtis’s hand in the small of your back, you step into the wide looking hallway. He slung his arm around your waist, a steady hold on your hip and in the belt loops of your pants, he led you towards the front, the way you were dragged down to his room. “Now you stay with me Y/N unless I tell you otherwise, understand? Your free to talk to people that are in this car, but remember your place. You are mine, if I find out you are disrespecting what we have going on, or me, you wont like the consequences.” 

“Yes Curtis” you reply, feeling your mouth go dry with nerves and anticipation, would you know anyone there? You hoped so, you were desperate to find out how your friends were in the tail end. You two reached a gate, and your bouncing a bit at his side, the music on the other side is thumping loud and you can see flashes of lights through the cracks. Curtis smiles a bit to himself at how obvious excited you are to get out of the room, but there are rules, and he had to be sure you knew them. Turning you to face him, he grabs your chin and makes you look at him. “Remember what I said, do you understand? do you have any questions before we go in?” 

You nod probably a little harder then you should and you glance at the door once more before back up to him. “Am I allowed to ask about the tail end if I see anyone I know? That wont make you upset with me?” 

Curtis thought about this for a few moments, it wouldnt hurt and you so desperately wanted to know, probably still had your hopes up about one day seeing your friends again. “You can, but dont expect to see anyone from before in there Y/N” His fist thumped against the metal door, and it popped open enough for Curtis to slide through and he took your arm, bringing you through. It wasnt quite as you remembered, but last time you came through, you were being dragged, and didnt exactly have time to admire the setting. This time you did though, and your eyes widened before you. 

People, gyrating all over each other, among the flashing lights above them, it was extremely distracting and made you want to shut your eyes. First the people were laughing and dancing, then they would turn and a clash of teeth and lashing of tongues inhaled one another in open mouth kisses, moving from one person to whoever was closest. You leaned more into Curtis, not wanting to get caught up in the orgy. It was something you didnt enjoy from him, and you knew you wouldnt like it here either. With a push of his hand, Curtis broke past the group, and the car opened up to show more people dancing, some with one another, some off poles placed in what looked like a seating area, people lazing around, high from the kronoles scattered in the sunken seating booths. Curtis led you past these as well until you two were near the other side, and he directed you to sit. “Just wait here, I will be back.” A simple nod was efficient enough for him, and he went to the small bar set up. 

“Kronoles, rum and coke?” The man asked Curtis while he pulled out to glass jars to pour the alcohol into. 

“Just the rum and coke.” Normally Curtis would part take in the kronoles, chase that mindless high that came with it, but not this time with you accompanying him. He would come back another time without you. The rum and coke though, rare treat, doing some calculations about the occasion for the rare indulgence. Wilford had announced it was new years. Collecting the drinks, he came back to where you were half in and out of your seat, curious to your surroundings. Twisting back into your seat, your nose wrinkled as you sniffed your drink, used to only water. “What is it?” 

“Try it and find out.” Was all he said, and you cautiously brought your mouth to the edge, taking a sip. It burned and was sweet at the same time, and you took another sip that stung its way down your throat. The dart of your tongue wasnt missed by Curtis, and his cock twitched at the very notion of how sweet your lips would look stretching around his shaft, your head tipped to meet him with your eyes rolling up to meet him. Fuck... It was gonna have to go on your list of necessary teachings. No it wouldnt benefit what you two were striving for, but it was a damn sweet thought, your mouth sucking him off. To cool off, he to took a bigger swallow then your sip, appreciating the burn as it went down to settle in his gut. 

“what is it?” You repeated and he looked at you and swiped his thumb over your lower lip to dry it off. “Rum and Coke, we only get it once a year, usually its homemade shit or cheap ass beer thats long since gone stale. Its new years though, another year living on the train passed.” 

“Oh! I never heard the announcement.” Your gaze again falls to looking around the room, and you got bolder in your drinking. Soon, your eyes were brighter then usual and there was a flush to your cheeks. Curtis watched you get caught up in it all and he finally leaned over to whisper in your ear. “You can go dance you know, just dont stray far from the table.” He knew others would pick up on your innocence right away, target you for your weakness, typically it was a game. That is until people learned that your were his, and he was never one to share. 

Nervous, you hesitate a moment, and then push up to go up the stairs, and dont wander to far away, but mingle. Soon your drawn into a group of women who were just dancing, and the rush of the alcohol in your system swept you away in the motion. Curtis caught sight of you laughing and swaying your hips, deeming that you were fine. He collected your glasses to go refill them with just straight soda this time, and a pair of steel grey eyes crinkled at the corners, smirking watching Curtis, whom was unaware of the threat. About time he left his girl alone was the mans thoughts, pushing from where he been sitting with a group of friends and his own toy. 

You were unaware of any change happening, until a pair of hands slid along your hips, and hot breath against your neck, a lash of the tongue over your ear, you wouldnt doubt it was anyone other then Curtis so you didnt fight it. You were his after all, and your buzzed state, you couldnt tell that this was a slightly smaller set of hands on your hips, and that the person gyrating behind you certainly wasnt as broad as Curtis. Your time in the tail end, you were used to never having personal space, you simply fell back into the person behind you, getting lost in the tempo and rush of the alcohol.  

When he came back, he glanced through the crowd again as he set the drinks down, and Curtis couldnt fucking believe what the hell he was seeing. You pushing your sweet little ass of yours into Grey of all the fucking people. Quick, he snapped up to the dance floor, and your eyes sprang open to see him pushing people to crash into one another so he could get through, frightened you looked over your shoulder to see someone youve never seen in your life, and you stepped forward to meet Curtis. “Curtis! Im so-” 

“Get on your fucking knees now and wait!” He roared at you and your scrambled to fall at his feet like he told you to, your eyes welling up at your mistake. Curtis stepped around where you knelt, your hands wringing together. 

“Curtis, we were just having fun to.” Grey sighed with disappointment. “I had to see what the fuss was all about. I can see why Wilford got interested in her, she is cute for a cum slut.” 

“What the fuck makes you think you could touch her?” Curtis crowded Grey, who didnt back up but he to crowded back, smirking in Curtis’s pissed off face. 

“Wanted to see if they were as fucking easy as they come. I would have had her sucking cock in a few minutes with how she was grinding her ass into me like some horny bitch. Cant satisfy them Curtis? Why Wilford had to give you a tail ender? Not like they know any better.” 

Curtis didnt even bother with that jab, it was clearly meant to push his buttons. Drawing up to his full height, Grey albeit smaller, was not at all intimidated by Curtis, and leaned in a bit closer, smirking “dont worry Curtis, when I get her, and I will cause the winner takes it all, I will teach her how to properly behave.” You were pushing to a stand to try and explain to the two men, when Curtis caught sight of you “Did I fucking tell you to stand, get back in your place.” 

“But Curtis, it wasnt... “ You try once more, and he has to deal with you defying him, you gave him no choice. Ignoring Grey who watched this all with interest, he stalked forward and fists his hand in your hair, yanking you back to your knees. “What did I tell you?” 

“On my knees” You twist and cry out, your hands going to your hair to try to get him to loosen his grip. 

“Do I want any fucking sass coming from you?” 

“n-no.” You cant help the tears that are rolling down your cheeks and the way your head bows to him. 

Lowering closer to your level, his next words were so low it was hard to hear, but they held deadly promise should you not listen. “Start crawling to the door Y/N” Releasing his hold and shoving you to sprawl back. 

You look at him like he cant be serious, crawl? His face though, was all serious anger storming his blue eyes and you back away from him, the crowd parting to allow you passage. 

“Please Curtis...” 

Nothing, no softening or taking pity on you, you do only thing that you can, and start to pull yourself away on your hands and knees, Curtis watched your heart shaped ass sway back and forth, and then turns back to Grey, whos watching with an amused look. 

“Sure you dont want me to break in your little sweetheart? Ass like that good for alot of things, wouldnt be any trouble at all.” 

Curtis growled lowly “Dont fucking lay a hand on her anymore, shes mine. I have no problem shoving your dick down your throat should you think shes yours to handle.” 

Grey grinned at the challenge. “No, course not. Better not let her out of your sight again.” With that Grey turned back, and hoped back down into the seating area he had been occupying previously, yanking his own girl back in his lap, and slapping her thighs to spread, ready to share her with his current company. Curtis didnt waste any more time with them, and followed where she had crawled away, getting to the door, you were waiting this time, in a subdued position, on your knees, head bowed, palms up, trying not to look embarrassed or scared of it all. Made his cock twitch again, Fucking Christ, bad timing. “Get up” He yanked on your arm and hauled you to a stand. You stumbled, but did it all quietly, averting looking at him. 

It was silent going back to the rooms, and you tried to keep up best you could to his long stride. The train walls kept dipping as if off kilter and you stumbled into Curtis a few times. Finally though you two reach his room again and he gets the door to open, pushing you to fly in first. You stumble and grab a hold of the wall, trying to get everything to stop spinning. 

“Curtis, please I didnt know.” 

He doesnt care, more pissed off then he was before at your attempt for an explanation, he drags you from your grip off the wall and over his knee. “You knew better Y/N, and yet you fucking undermined me.” 

His knee is hard in your stomach, and you could feel him lifting your skirt to pool around your waist. You try to look over your shoulder but he shoves your head back to look at the wall and floor. Struggling, again a waste of your energy, hes holding you pinned over his knee with no more energy then he would give to a mild inconvenience in his day. Yanking down your panties to, he smacked your bottom hard, hard enough to jar you forward in his lap. 

“Dont worry I plan on marking your ass so hard, your not going to be forgetting who you belonged to.” Curtis gives no time to adjust, its one hard spank on one of your cheeks after another, its a fire burning you now, and your crying into his leg, arching once in a while when its a particular had slap, those sharp stinging ones that you swear are going to break your skin. Curtis hand prints popped up in welts, and you sobbed for him to stop. “Pl-please Curtis, I wont do it again. I swear... I thought it was you. “ He growled and started to come to a stop. He reached to take a fistful of hair and jerk your head back so he could see you even at this angle. 

“Who do you listen to?” 

Sobs crack your voice. “You Curtis...” 

“Thats right little one, next time be aware of who the fuck is behind you. Accident or not, if I catch it happening again, it will be worst.” He just as quickly put you in a stand, and stood up himself, gripping your chin so your tear stained face couldnt defy him and look away. “Next time it will be a leather strap and you will bleed for it. Get to bed now.” Dropping his hand and you are quick to move out of his way while he went to take a shower. 

Your ass, burning hot and every step screamed red hot through you, you peel away the clothes that you had been so excited for and folded them into the dresser, getting into an over sized tee that Curtis had given you to wear. Crawling in close to the wall, you lay on your side, waiting for him to come back out. He finished and didnt bother with clothing, snapping off lights as he came, he stretched out on his side, and yanked you over to him, hiking a leg over his hip, there was a unprepared thrust into your core, and you yelp into his chest, pressing your face there till the pain dulled, your breathing coming and going in shallowly as you braced for him to start moving he never did though, his arm just caged you in close. 

“You can sleep like this tonight, full of my cock so you dont forget who the fuck you belong to.” 

You sniffle in the darkness, trying to adjust to the full sensation hes stuffed you with. Now, you were even more homesick for the tail end. 

Tags-  @jtargaryen18 @what-is-your-plan-today @official-and-unstable-satan @p8tn0lish @stardancerluv @princess-evans-addict @patzammit @ozarkthedog​  @that-damn-girl @curtisbbq @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @thatweirdwalangpake @nsfwsebbie​ @imanuglywombat​

[words-for-holland]

The Songs in Our Life: It’s Not a Date

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Y/N & Tom learn more about each other on their night out together...but remember it’s not a date.

Inspired by: I Wanna Know You - Hannah Montana & David Archuleta

Album Description | Track 1 | Track 2 |

Waiting. It’s the action of staying where you are to delaying something until a certain time has come or something happens. 

For instance, Y/N and Tom were due for a date at 5:40pm, and the wait was almost unbearable for them. Not that it was ever an official date....but the idea of seeing each other again the very same day brought a feeling of excitement. Something that neither had felt in a very long time. Seconds, minutes, and the remaining hours passed. Y/N had clocked out of work, shoved her laptop in her bag, and made her way down to lobby to meet Tom. As she approached the area, her steps slowed and ultimately stopping in her tracks. Seeing Tom, casually waiting brought a new found feeling. She smiled at him, already thinking about the possibilities of the if’s and’s & wants in her future, but immediately shook out the thought. 

“C’mon Y/N it’s way too early to be thinking like this. You haven't even gone on a date with him yet and you're already thinking about a future. Jesus.” Y/N muttered to herself, verbally smacking some common sense into her brain. 

As she continued to walk towards Tom, he looked up to meet her eyes and started walking to her direction. “Fancy seeing you here, darling.” he greeted with that boyish smile. He offered his hands, gesturing to allow him to carry her bag, but Y/N simply shook her head and declined the offer. “It’s okay. I got it.” 

“Are you sure?” he asked. 

“Of course, but would it be okay if we stopped by my apartment to drop this off?” Y/N replied to him. “I really don't want to be carrying this around while I blow your mind with the best food in the city.” 

Tom hadn’t replied to Y/N’s question, he was too busy thinking about..well...her. In his mind, he would have been more bold and responded to her question like ‘Aw, here I was hoping you were just going to invite me in to stay there and I can show you a really good time’. Or ‘Nothing blows my mind more than you’.

Instead what came out was “Yeah, sure that’s fine.” he smiled back, mentally slapping himself for not being able to pull off something smoother.

“Okay, let’s go. It’s not that far.” Y/N lead the way, with Tom following behind. There it was. That awkward-but-not-so-awkward tension coming up as the two walked in silence to Y/N’s apartment. Both knew it wasn’t an official date, so why was it hard to just strike a conversation? Y//N and Tom fought with their inner conscious as they tried to figure out how to make the first move. It was then when both Tom and Y/N, took a deep breath and said out loud their questions the same time.

They laughed at their failed attempts to strike a proper conversation, and tried to make it better by saying “You first.” in unison and then “No you.” 

Tom gestured to Y/N to speak first. “So how was your press interview? Did you get in trouble for being late?” Y/N asked as they continued to walk the streets of 34th Avenue.

Tom looked at Y/N’s way, recollecting their first meet up. Indeed Tom was extremely late, but if he hadn’t been he wouldn’t be in this position right now with her. “Yeah it went well. I just got in a little bit of trouble, but it’s okay. Sometimes you’ve got to live a little dangerously.” he winked, which made Y/N’s cheeks display the most delicate shade of pink. “What about you? How was work?”

Y/N shrugged at his question. “Can’t complain. Im still new to the company, but the projects are fun and everyone’s welcoming and a pleasure to work with. Just hoping I dont mess it up.”

“Im sure you won’t. You dont seem to be that type.” Tom responds truthfully.

Y/N looks at him and smiles. “Oh? And what type do I seem to be?” She challenges him, but before he could speak, they make it to Y/N’s apartment.

She jiggles the key in and opens the door for Tom, allowing him to enter first. The first thing that catches his eyes are the cream colored walls and soft blue furniture accents. Papers are piled up on a table, and pictures of Y/N with her friends and family placed decoratively on the walls. Candles were lit and the T.V. was softly playing in the background. “Wow...this is really cozy.” Tom reacts, intaking the surrounding. “Though I must say I usually get invited inside the house on the second date.” He laughs at his sorry joke.

Thankfully Y/N’s sense of humor was extremely easy tonplease, and she laughed along with him, playfully hitting his shoulder. “Oh stop, I told you I need to set my stuff down. I —”

“Hey Y/N I was wondering what—” Y/N’s roomate and best friend comes in to the living room seeing a rare sighting of Y/N with a man. “Oh...I didnt know we had company.” She smiles, trying her best to contain her excitement for her best friend.

“Oh right.” Y/N closes her eyes briefly in hopes that her best friend doesnt embarrass her. “Um Tom this is Kaitlyn, she’s my best friend and roomate. Kaitlyn this is Tom H—”

“Believe me. I know who you are.” Kaitlyn smiles widely. “It’s...wow..a surprise really. Nice to meet you.”

“And it’s a pleasure to meet you.” Tom greets back shaking her hand.

“So are you two like...” Kaitlyn gestures as she squiches her hands together. “On a date?”

Both Y/N’s and Tom’s eyes widen, both of their cheeks turning a deep shade of pink. They knew it wasnt such a bad thing to consider, them being on a date and getting romantic. But they just met, neither wanted to risk the chance of screwing it up. “Of course not. I was just planning to show Tom around the city, since he’s not from here.”

Tom would be lying if he said his heart didnt drop just a little, but he wasnt going to let that show. Even though he wanted it to be so much more than a hang out. “Yeah, I figured why not....since we’re friends.” There it goes again..that awkward silence.

“Uh huh. Im sure you both will enjoy your friendly hangout. Y/N knows all the best places to eat.”

“I wouldnt doubt it.” Tom smiles.

“And we should get going...uhh Kaitlyn you’re welcome to join us if you want?” Y/N interjects as she and Tom get ready to go out.

“Oh. It’s fine! You two go out. Im good here.” Kaitlyn rejects and winks at Y/N.

Y/N rolls her eyes as she leads Tom out. Not far from her home, the two make it to Chelea’s Market, where they indulge in all things Italian. From the flavorful pasta, to the fresh steamy focaccia bread that comes right out of the stone oven. It was Y/N’s go-to place to impress anyone visiting. The food was great and the scenery outside was beautiful.

While the food was incredible, Tom’s prescence was where the real magic came to play. She could only imagine what hanging out with a celebrity would be like, but Tom was another story.

She took in how engaged he was with her stories about growing up in a small town in New Jersey with her family, how Kaitlyn and two other friends had stayed together since they were 6, and how her life had felt so barred until she moved here in the city, feeling free for the first time ever.

He was interested in all of it. Tom’s eyes looked at her with endearment, and his smile grew the more he heard about her most heart touching memories, his laugh becoming more robust and joyus when she told him a funny memory. He was falling for her, even though he didnt want to admit it just yet. While he got a good chunk of her life, he wanted to know more.

Y/N on the other hand, wanted to turn the tables. “So what about you?” She asked, as they both made their way to the High Line, warm latte in hand.

“What do you mean?” He questions back, displaying a coy smile.

“C’mon you know what I mean. What’s your story? And when I mean story I dont mean how you got famous.” Y/N explains as they continue walking.

Tom looked down at the ground, thinking. He couldnt remember the last time a stranger wiuld ask about his life, and not just the story about his career. “Well, I have 3 younger brothers. A set of twins named Sam and Harry and a younger brother name Paddy but we like to call him Padster. I lived with my best mate Harrison for 4 years. Love sports but golfing all time has to be my favorite. Ironically, Im terrified of spiders and I hate cheese.”

Y/N took in his 5 minute biography, and thought about how genuine he was. Just like she did, Tom gave stories about his brothers and best friend, and the more he talked the real he felt to Y/N. Their friendship was blossoming and in this moment nothing felt out of place. “Wow, you hate cheese?! Cheese is single-handely the best creation on this planet. I feel sorry for the girl that had to deal with that.” Y/N stopped her tracks, realizing what she just slipped in. She didnt mean to mention about a potential girlfriend he did or didnt have, it just...happened.

“Haha Im sure she doesn’t mind. She doesnt particulary like cheese either.” He plays along, but Y/N’s spirit started to lower. So there was a girl after all. She should have known.

“Oh, so there is a girl. Isnt there?” She speaks in a monotone.

“Of course! Tessa shes been with me for awile. Cheeky little dog, but I love her so much.” Tom laughs as he takes a sip of his coffee.

Y/N shook her head as she caught on his words. Dog? Upon realization, she shook her head looking down at the ground hiding her embarrassment.

“Sorry. I had to.” He continued to laugh, “but your face and attitude was priceless. Its almost as if you we’re jealous or soemthing.”

“What?! Me jealous?! Please.” Y/N tried miserably to play off.

“C’mon I saw those lips purse and that cute nose scrunch. You looked wee bit jealous.” Tom stated as he lifted her chin to meet his eyes. The moment was tense and silent but not akward. They took in each others features, lips getting closer, eyes slowly closing until... “It’s getting late.”Y/N whispered. Both let down by the moment being ruined.

Tom pulled away with a look of disappointment. “Yeah...you’re right. I’ll walk you back? My hotel is not far from your place.” He offered.

“Of course it’s not. It’s the tri-state area. Everything here is 30 minutes or less.” She jokes, trying to lighten the mood. “I would like that a lot.”

They continued to walk back home, side by side with light conversations. Almost forgetting their almost-kiss on their unofficial date. As they reached the steps of Y/N’s apartment. The two bid their farewell.

“Well I had a lot of fun tonight. Thank you Y/N.” Tom said smiling at her as he held her hand.

“Likewise. I cant remember the last time I had this much fun.” Y/N admits, hoping that this wouldnt be the first and last time she’d see him. “Maybe we can do this again?” She bravely suggests.

“I’d love that. See you soon, darling.” With that he kissed her goodbye on the cheek as he made his way to the hotel, but not until he made sure, Y/N got inside safely.

Proceed to Track 3.

Taglist (Send an ask or message to be added):

@horanxholland @peterspideyy @stan-ish230403 @averyfosterthoughts @eridanuswave @greatpizzascissorstaco

[lovefrozenswan]

The Lost Waterbender ch 2

The Fire Nation celebrated its victory over the Avatar cycle when they killed the very last Waterbender in the north pole. With no host to be reborn into, the Avatar cycle ended with Avatar Yangchen's execution.

Until 100 years later, when Elsa found that Ahtohallen was more than just memories.

2nd chapter done. I hope you guys like it :) Especially who I introduce.....

[[more]]

Anna stood at the cliffside overlooking the fjord and held on so tightly to Kristoff she knew she was bruising him.

Arendelle’s destruction was absolute. The rushing water had all but swept it away. The castle was in ruins. The relics of her family, surely lost. All of it was gone due to Anna's decision. Now she would have to lead them as Queen, if they didn’t cast her out. She had no idea how she would live up to Elsa's-

She couldn't even allow herself to think too much about Elsa or risk her knees collapsing beneath her. It had been three days and there were no signs of her sister's return. The Northuldra spiritual leader had told her they believed Elsa to be the 5th spirit of their legend and that she had brought balance back to them all.

At cost of her life.

It was all Anna could do to keep moving.

 

When Elsa dropped into the icy water below Ahtohallan, her first thought was she needed to find Anna. The voice she had been seeking was her own.. somehow. The fifth spirit. The Avatar. Elsa struggled to understand. She had lived before? The people from her dreams were her past lives? As soon as the voice spoke to her and unlocked this new certainty inside of her, she had lost consciousness.

Then she had visions of Anna in her dreams, while she was frozen in the glacier. Anna had woken the earth spirits and destroyed the dam. Destroyed Arendelle to calm the spirits and right an ancient wrong. She believed Elsa had died. Elsa’s heart broke, she needed to find her sister and help her. And Anna might be the only one who could make sense of what she had found. She kicked towards the light above her, determined to reach it despite the strong current.

Elsa broke the surface with a gasp.

It was all wrong.

When she caught her breath, she saw she was in a bright, frozen ocean. There were a few floating icebergs, but no sign of the glittering glacier of Ahtohallen. Elsa called out for the Nokk and it didn’t show itself either. She was alone. 

She pulled herself onto an icy platform and faced the sky. It was clear. The sea was calm, not at all like the dark sea she had crossed. Her heart lurched with questions. Had she drifted that far beneath the icy water? How long had she been inside of Ahtohallen? Is Arendelle really gone-

Her breath was coming in short gasps and she crossed her arms over her chest. Breath. 'I need to focus on something else.' She forced herself to slow down.

Ice sprang from her fingertips into the air and exploded into the bright fractal patterns that she loves, high above her. 'Alright, that still works at least.' she thought. She tried to empty her mind and focus on the ice for a while. 'Anna is safe for now. I am safe for now,' she thought.

It was odd that the Nokk didnt respond. She thought it would be waiting on her. Even odder was the calming of the dark sea and that she couldnt see Ahtohallen anymore.

She settled on not worrying about it for now. She only needed to get home. If the spirits had changed something about the world, it would be clear soon enough.

Watching the ice twist above her reminded her that of course she didn't need the Nokk or anyone else to get home anyway. If she could get back to land she could figure this out and she would be back in no time.

She stepped off the iceberg, the touch of her feet freezing the water beneath her.

“No matter, I can walk to land.” Saying it out loud made it real. She tried to shake the feeling of wrongness. She just needed to see Anna.

“Aang, this is the worst idea you have ever had,” said Sokka, “and youve had some pretty bad ones.”

"Just a few more days here. You saw the Fire Nation ships. They know something has changed too." Aang said, "Besides, arent you supposed to be descended from the water tribe? Where's your 'icy constitution' now?"

"Being related to the extinct water tribe doesnt make me immune to the cold! Especially since you keep hogging all the food and wouldnt let me bring any meat. How am I supposed keep going?" said Sokka, laying flat on his back in Appa's saddle.

"How about I set you down and if you can hunt us one of those tiger seals down there, I will personally cook and eat it with you. I promise." Aang smiled back at Sokka before focusing his gaze back to the ice. His friend was right though. They had been flying Appa over the frozen ocean for three days and seen nothing but penguins, ice, and blue water. It was starting to worry him.

"If we don't miraculously find your Avatar soon, the monks are not going to be happy about our sky bison heist. We can't stay out here forever. I told you all I knew about Ahtohallen from my grandmother and even she never thought it was actually real, just a fantasy for a dead tribe." Sokka continued, "We have to talk about giving this up and trying to beg the monks for forgiveness." Aang wasn't listening anymore, he was looking at a Fire Nation ship far in the distance that wasn't moving. "-we havnt been gone that long. We can just pretend Appa got stuck in a tree and we were saving him-"

"Sokka stop."

"No really, the monks can't prove we went all the way to the south pole with one of the last sky bison-"

"Sokka look at that Fire Nation ship. They never bother to patrol this deep into the ice anymore. What do you see?" Something in Aang's voice got Sokka's attention. He grabbed for the spyglass and aimed it where Aang pointed. Sokka was completely silent for nearly a minute and Aang held his breath the entire time.

"They are fighting someone," he said, voice shaking. "I think its... its a waterbender." He didn't need to tell Aang the significance of that.

Aang nearly shouted. He pulled Appa around and urged him towards the ship as quickly as possible before grabbing his glider. He hoped they weren't too late.

[h3l10tr0p3]

SPIRIT ANIMAL AU (Part 11 : The fluff, The Crack and the extra)

Previously-

Deku's Spirit Animal is a Fennec Fox, whose voice can only be heard by Katsuki (because, reasons), while Deku himself appears to be in a coma.

Extending on the imformation on Spirit Animals from my prev post

("Kacchan! Love me!")

me from the back, sniffing into a hanky: JUST LOVE HIM ALREADY!

The Extra:

While the class was out together, running errands, Izuku and Katsuki get involved in an incident where a child, 4 years old(Person A) develops their quirk smack in the middle of a crowd and it is making people faint. Neither of the m remember the incident but bystanders say that Izuku tried to save Katsuki.

Person A then falls into Quirk Pyrexia (like Eri's fever) and then into a coma. But the effects of the quirk stay. The people who fainted woke up and found a Spirit Animal attached to them

But Deku is in a coma too, and there is this green-haired Fennec-Fox scampering about instead.

Person B, older sibling of Person A who has a similar (but not exactly the same) quirk explains how their own quirk works. And mentions that a lot of people had been affected at once by person A's quirk. So there are a lot of spirit animals going around now in Mustafu.

Class A gets pretty hyped and wants their own spirit animals. They all ask Person B for one of their own. Being mobbed by the eagre class, Person B agrees.

Everyone gets one. Except Katsuki who doesn't want anything to do with the critters; Shouto who couldn't be bothered to get one and Mineta whose Spirit Animal turns out to be a Madagascar Hissing Cockroach and Person B refuses to let that abomination exist. (gtfo mineta)

Gradually the class starts to learn more about Spirit Animals in general and themselves with the help of their Spirit Animals (since they are a reflection of their emotional psyche)

E.g.- Spirit animals' voice can be heard by only the person (the Master) who provides them with some of their own life-force. Normally the amount depends on the size of the animal, but since most are small it is as easy as breathing - life span is not reduced because of it in anyway.

Spirit Animals are born from some basic things like- a person's strongest and most definitive memories, their emotional psyche, their quirk (not necessary though) and their Master's life energy. Basically an SA is the soul of the person in animal form - but they only have a subset of the memories of their human counterpart.

Normally a person from whom an SA is born is also the Master. In Katsuki and Izuku's case there are a lot of problems because Izuku interfered in the process. Now Izuku is in a coma while Katsuki is stuck with the mutterings of a fox inside his head.

the further the SA is from the Master- the more energy it consumes from both. it's a balancing act. The SA might get sick from being too far for too long, but the effect of distance on Masters is however, negligible.

Another way an SA gets sick is when the Bond is one-sided, where the Master (knowingly or unknowingly) refuses to provide for their SA.

In both cases the SA might 'die'

Any sickness or injury of the SA, if treated in due time, can be healed just by prolonged skin contact with their Master.

Ways SA can die- When the quirk fades, when they get very sick, when another SA kills it

In the last method - the Master enters a coma when their SA dies. Because murder is an unnatural warp in the fabric of humanity and psyche- so it impacts the Master too. No one knows if such a coma is treatable or not.

SA can talk to each other, but not other Masters.

SA have special abilities unlike quirks. They are small spiritual-ly abilities, like: Fortune telling, star-reading, dream-walking, mood-reading, etc. Almost every SA has an ability. The occurrence are same as quirked:quirkless ratios.

The PREFACE:

Katsuki avoids F!Deku after he finds out that Katsuki can hear him. But Deku tries to be persistent. Katsuki, naturally gets mad and tells Deku to get lost because he is 'irritating, too loud, too jumpy and disgusting'

This breaks F!Deku's heart, because he doesnt have the memory of Katsuki literally hating him in middle school. Depressed, he starts to keep away, talk less, run less, appear fewer times in front of Katsuki.

At first Katsuki finds peace in the silence, but it starts to worry him. Soon he figures out that Deku is getting sick because of him, as other SA inform through their Masters.

THE FLUFF and CRACK!

after that Katsuki (apparently) grudgingly takes care of Deku. He needs good food? Fine! A bath? Fine! Warmth?! FINE! SKIN CONTACT? FINNEEEE! he is gonna take care of it so damn good that everyone else drops dead at his SA-grooming skills!! (goddamnit, Katsuki,you fucking idiot...)

Cue the most ridiculous phase the Heights Alliance has ever seen-

Katsuki bringing Deku to school in his bag. During classes, Deku naps on the table or in the desk- with his tail curled around Katsuki's left wrist or being left whisking over his hand.

Katsuki in Practical Classes: With Deku wrapped around his neck, inside the neck brace. Winter costume? Inside his turtle-neck. (Imagine Deku's fox head popping out of that collar on being called. oh my heart...that visual...)

Also the visual- Deku nuzzling the underside of Katsuki's jaw if he gets mad, to distract him. Cause that lil fucker actually (begrudgingly) likes the soft fur

Katsuki cooking? Deku's waiting on his shoulder patiently and taste-tests Katsuki's cooking when he gives him a gravy-dipped finger

Katsuki eventually agrees to use Deku's plans during Mock Battles and they make a sick team. Other students say it's unfair to have an extra member on Bakugou. But Katsuki's sly ass reasons that he keeps Deku just because he'll get sick again. (And it's true, cause Deku can still mutter plans in his head from a distance)

Katsuki hosing down Deku's fur like that shit's contaminated. And Deku regretting every second of his canid existence.

Katsuki complaining about Deku's long-ass nails cause they scratch the bejesus out of him. Deku tells him that his Kacchan can clip off those nails if he wants, but Katsuki doesn't reply, instead gives Deku a sour look. Next day he pawns off those Soft Nail Caps from Aizawa (or Shinsou. Maybe Black and orange ones or green ones?)

Sleeping - Deku normally curls up in a ball and sleeps on Katsuki's tummy. But since Katsuki is a turbulent sleeper (more about this later) this gets difficult. So instead he sleeps while nuzzling the curve of Katsuki's neck or makes a nest in his spiky hair.

("G'nite, Kacchan")

The girls of class A open a social media account with all the SA and Deku, the cutest fox in the world, as their focus. Katsuki has to pry off the fox from their hands too often to be comfortable about it.

Katsuki's morning rituals? Deku's riding on his head while he goes down to the communal bathrooms. Eijirou swallows toothpaste and Denki shits himself when they see him like that.

Deku needs to sun-bathe in the chilly weather. So, Katsuki takes him out of cafeteria in lunch time, his friends join too.

Deku gets really popular with Gen Ed and Class B as days go by and when the others try to cuddle him or coo at him, Katsuki twitches with irritation.

Monoma tries to harass Katsuki one day in the cafeteria, so Deku and the other SA literally wage an SA war on him. All the SA of Class A are nibbling and stealing Monoma's food, leaving a mess over his things and making life hell for him. Denki, Hanta, Mina and Eijirou sign up too. Katsuki, unwittingly, earns the title of 'The Savage Snowhite' from Class B due to their efforts.

Once, while lying on his tummy, Deku figures out that Katsuki is really ticklish there and tickles him incessantly till Katsuki is laughing. When Deku suddenly stops tickling and just sits back doing nothing, Katsuki asks suspciously why he stopped, what's he planning. Deku just says that he doesn't remember ever seeing Kacchan laugh, so he wants to remember this properly. cue feels.

Somewhere down the line Katsuki starts to FINALLY fucking acknowledge that he likes to be around the nerd fox, maybe even loves the Deku trapped inside this form. But the real Deku lies asleep in the infirmary. And oh, the Angst ensues as he starts wondering if this is permanent.

Meanwhile SA are being murdered, people are falling into coma, and something has infilrated the UA campus. One of the Class A student's SA was killed very recently. Because the SA was born from Person B's quirk and not Person A, they recover soon after and inform the teachers that they saw an SA Arctic Wolf attack them.

Cue Villain music- dun dun dun!

Here is PART 1 if you are interested in some Fennec Fox Facts!

(Next up! PART 3: THE ANGST, THE DRAMA! -please look forward it!)

[rdmfavcpls]

Title: Reversal

Category: Pokemon

Rating: T

Pairing: Soulsilvershipping (Lyra/Kotone x Silver)

Summary: Silver doesn’t care for Valentine's Day. He just goes by like the day is a regular day.  He doesn’t understand the importance it has to young ladies like Kotone who are too scared to confess their feelings. He is confused over why Kotone rushed towards him, shoved a wrapped box in his chest, and then run away.  Now, he can’t seem to find her.

Disclaimer: I don’t own any rights to Pokemon.

~~Story Begins~~

Silver ignored the sidewalk sides that told about special deals for those last minute Valentine’s Day presents. He paid no attention to men that glared at him because he was used to it from his father and from his father’s beloved organization high ranked members. He sneered at the girls who giggled or blushed as he passed by them.

He’s been mocked and downgraded by his father for too long to understand that the men were jealous of him because he was the Champion’s, right-hand man. The thought that the females were blushing and giggling because he looked at them would never enter his mind. He didn’t know that most of the young female population around his age (and some of the older population) thought he was handsome.

He was glad that he finally got to the Dragon’s Den and breathed in the stale watery cave air. He felt more at ease in a place that was isolated or not as populated. If he wasn’t at the Dragon’s Den. He was in New Bark Town which he found out to be surprised about that as well.

His time in New Bark Town was spent mostly in Prof. Elm’s labor at Kotone’s house much to his displeasure. It was mostly due to Kotone and Hibiki (mostly Hibiki with a red-faced Kotone) insisting that he should stay over and enjoy some warm dinner.

Silver wasn’t going to lie that he started to come over to Kotone’s house for the warm and delicious food. He did see where Kotone got her over affectional spirit from and it annoyed him to no end over their stupidity.

He walked down the first set of stairs when his name was echoed within the cave. He turned around towards the entrance and stared at the girl who called his name.

“Idiot,” Silver said. “You didn’t have to yell. You woke up all the wild Zubats.”

“I don’t think your Crobat will mind,” Kotone said. She ran up to him and stopped just an arm's length away. “I’m also not here to battle!”

“Please explain as to why you are here then,” Silver said with a glare. Within a blink, that glare was replaced with a look of surprise as the Champion and his rival shoved a box wrapped in red towards his chest. “What the?”

“Happy Valentine’s Day. IreallyhopeyoulikethemandIwillseeyouinaweek. Haha. WhoamIkiddingbecauseitisgoingtobelikeamonth. Iloveyou. Bye,” Kotone said so fast that Silver felt like he was at one of those auctions that her mother liked to watch.

The only problem is that Silver could never understand the auctioneer with how fast they talked so he had no idea over what Kotone just said.

He took a second to look at the box before he looked back up with intentions of returning the box only to see the tail end of her double pigtails leave the guarded cave. He looked back down at the box and examined it.

The box didn’t seem to be very big and it looked like someone had professionally wrapped the box in a red wrapping paper that matched the shade of his long hair. The ribbon on the box was simple, but it was of a silver color.

Wataru should know what this present is and why Kotone just ran away.

~~Pokemon~~

Kotone needed a place to hide. That was easier said than done with the status of her being a Champion but also she was a very sociable person and needed to talk to someone. She also had her pokemon to worry about.

Her first thought over a place to hide was the Ice Cave, but she would freeze there. Her Typhlosion could keep her warm and enjoy sliding on the ice, but she wasn’t going to freeze her most trusted companion.

She couldn’t hide at home because Silver was a constant visitor and Hibiki would not let her hide for a month. He would either trick her into going out if Silver is nearby or would tell Silver where her hiding spot was.

She has learned her lesson over not to tell Hibiki over any of her crushes again.

She had only two places left to choose from. Slowpoke Well and the old Team Rocket hideout where they kept the Director.

Thieves still lingered around the old Team Rocket hideout and the Slowpoke Well would be wet and chilly. There was also a storm that they believed was on its way and she really didn’t want to stay in the well in case it floods.

“Team Rocket hideout it is,” Kotone said as she brushed her hair out. She was going in disguise and that meant she would need to lose the pigtails that everyone recognizes her with along with not wearing her poofy hat or usual outfit.

“Okay,” she said. “I think I am ready to hide for a month.”

~~Pokemon~~

“It’s a Valentine’s Day gift,” Wataru said as he took a two-second look at the box that Silver held. “Have you never received a Valentine’s Day gift before?”

“So, this is just some store-bought chocolate,” Silver said with disgust in his voice.

Wataru laughed. “Kid, those aren’t just store-bought chocolates,”  he said. “The wrapping of the present proves that. Kotone really did put some effort into the present. Wouldn’t that one boy with the Marill be the best person to ask about it?”

“Hibiki?  She could have given this to me by mistake,” Silver said.

“Doubt it. The black heart-shaped tag clearly says Silver in silver marker. She wanted you to have this present. Maybe you should open it to see what she gave you first. This way you can start preparing for White Day.”

“What the heck is White Day?”

Wataru placed his hand over his face. “Kid, you have a lot to learn.”

~~Pokemon~~

It’s been a week since Kotone decided to hide before she was forced to come back out to the public because of a challenger who apparently couldn’t read the sign that said the Champion would be away for a month.

She was furious because the challenger couldn’t wait for her to get back in her usual attire so here she was with her hair down and wearing an outfit she got in Kanto when she visited last year.

Her anger vanished like an Abra when she saw who the challenger was.

“Silver?” Kotone said. “What are you doing here? There was a sign that was posted that stated I wouldn’t be back until the 16th of March.”

“Where is your hat? Why isn’t your hair in your stupid pigtails?”  Silver said.

“I was on vacation,” Kotone said with her arms crossed. “And I would really like to go back to being on vacation so let us get this battle over with.”

“Absolutely not! You cannot just give me a box of delicious chocolates  and then just vanish for a month!” Silver said.  “This was the only  one I could find you and I demand answers!”

“You can ask and I may not answer,”  Kotone said and crossed her arms. She blinked a couple of times and soon found grey eyes staring straight down into her own in such a close proximately. “Silver what are -”

She was cut off aggressively by his mouth sealing hers. She had pressed her hands against his chest, but that he stopped that too as he grabbed her wrists. She didn’t care at that point as her mind finally processed that yes, the boy she has had a crush on since she saw him peering into Prof. Elm’s laboratory is indeed kissing her.

She wasn’t as experienced as Silver, but it didn’t seem like he was too concerned about it. Then again, she wasn’t so concerned about it with the way he seemed to manipulate her mouth against his.

Kotone pulled back to get some much-needed air and Silver seemed to be perfectly fine while she was a mess.

“What was that about?” Kotone asked.

“You need to explain more about this Valentine’s Day, White Day thing,” Silver said. “You also can’t vanish like that.”

“Huh?”

“Ya heard me,” Silver said. He looked away from her as his red hair matched the red on his face. “I’m from Kanto. We only have Valentine’s Day.”

“Kanto celebrates both,” Kotone said in confusion.

“Shut up,” Silver said.

Kotone smiled. “Okay, fine. I will explain both over dinner at your place.”

“My place? Why?” Silver said.

“Because then it will be considered a date,” Kotone said. “Now, if you don’t mind. I would very much like to go back to my vacation.”

“What vacation? Hiding in the old hideout?” Silver said which caused Kotone to freeze in her steps. “Those thieves that hang out around here are my friends. You honestly didn’t think I wouldn’t know.”

“I hate you,” Kotone said with an Ekans hiss.

“That’s not what you said a couple of days ago,” Silver said with a smirk.

~~The End~~

[cheekymochiiii]

100 Year’s Quest Chapter 18-20 Tea Time

*camera pans to me sleeping on loveseat only to be woken up by my producer throwing a mug at my face*

Me: Mother*beep*! damn it Craig you *beep*! throw that at my mother *beep* face again and I’ll cut your *beep* off and shove it up your—

*screen displays message that says: please stand by*

*screen returns and shows me sitting with my cup of tea cool as a cucmber*

Me: *clears throat* Sorry about that. I haven’t been getting much sleep lately and as a result I’ve been *says through gritted teeth while glaring at Craig* very irritable.*relaxes* I realize I haven’t aired any shows since Chapter 17, but if you haven’t read the new chapter of Fairy Tail’s 100 Year Quest then that is your fault and I’m not bothering to put a spoiler warning right now. Despite my doubts to having a guest on today’s tea time, production—I mean I thought it would be best to have one anyway. Today we’ve got someone who is on Team Natsu and has had a front row seat to all the exciting *beep* that’s been happening in chapters 18-20.

Me: *gesutres to side of stage* Please audience give a warm welcome to the little braveheart Wendy Marvell!

Wendy: *walks in waving with her cute smile* Hi everyone it’s good to see you all!

Me: *admiring her adorable innocence and then remembers I have a show to shoot * Thank you so much for coming on the show Wendy it means the world to me.

Wendy: Well I heard from Panther Lily and Carla that you’re really...*hesitates to find right word* passionate.

Me: Awe that is a very accurate word to describe me, especially considering I’m a Pisces but sometimes I’m an Aquarius. It depends which website you read but for the most part I identify myself as a Pisces more than an Aquarius.

Wendy: *confused* you don’t look like two fish to me or like the terrifying Aquarius I know.

Me: *laughs at her innocence* actually Wendy here in my world our zodiac signs are given to us based on the month and day we are born in. Each zodiac is given a season in the year.

Wendy: then what happens?

Me: absolutely nothing. zodiacs are basically there just to make excuses for ourselves and how we act.

Wendy: so it’s like...alcohol?

Me: *considers this and shrugs* I mean you’re not wrong. Anyway we’re getting way off topic. Let’s focus back on what’s been happening in your world or at least in chapters 18-20. Most of these chapters were pretty *beep* short so there’s that but I’ll take whatever dose of Fairy Tail I can get.

*production tells me in my ear piece I need to stop cursing due to Tumblr restrictions and reminds me I could get flagged for being inappropriate again*

Me: *states outloud* that’s what the beeps are for you mother *beeps*

*production slaps forehead*

Me: Sorry for that interruption Wendy. My producers are being a bunch of *beep*

Wendy: *stunned at language*

Me: *continues casually* I’m not going to focus too much on Chapter 18 because I’ve already briefly talked about it in my last show. I want to give a simple summary of it. For starters I want to talk about you Wendy and what a bad *beep* you were for being able to find a spell that allowed the non-dragon slayers of Team Natsu to actually do some harm to the dragons y’all will be fighting. Naturally, I’m curious about how obtained this spell but I’m assuming you nor the creators will be willing to share that information with me.

Wendy: *genuine tone* I’m really sorry but I can’t share that.

Me: Coming from you, I’m okay with it. So Team Natsu is officially in the battle with the Water God Dragon and boy are y’all struggling. He’s just really letting y’all have it with his magic and this is still only the first dragon y’all have to defeat for this quest.

Wendy: This Quest will definitely be the hardest one I’ve ever had to do.

Me: You guys have been through so much you barely got a breather.

Wendy: I like the adventures with my friends though. It makes my life more full.

Me: Awe

Audience: Awe

Readers: Awe

Me: You are so precious Wendy and you need to be protected at all times. I’m getting off topic again. Chapter 18. Team Natsu. Battle with Water God Dragon. *stops short statements* I mean, that’s basically it. *remmebers* oh yeah Touka defeated all of your guild mates back in Magnolia.

Wendy: I know I was worried about them too. I still am since you guys haven’t figured out what happens.

Me: *waves and says nonchalantly* I’m sure by the next chapter we will. *wonders internally have I been spelling Touka’s name wrong this whole time?*

Wendy: What makes your so sure?

Me: We’ve been focused a lot on Team Natsu these last few chapters, so I’m going to assume with the screaming-into-pillow ending the creators gave us. The scenery will most likely change come next chapter. Anyway, now it’s Chapter 19 and we are still worried about the favorite team in the world, Team Natsu. Y’all are putting up a good fight but it’s not doing much good. In fact, Natsu tries very hard with all kinds of new and secret spells he’s been holding back from us to defeat the Water God Dragon. However, it nearly becomes too much for our favorite pink haired weirdo hero and he begins to be sucked up into a deadly looking whirlpool created by the Water God Dragon.

Wendy: *nods at the memory* I remember. We were all worried about what was going to happen to Natsu.

Me: *sideglances* even Lucy?

Wendy: *doesnt get what I’m hinting at* yes of course she’s always worried about Natsu on missions and if he might get hurt. Natsu too. They both want to protect each other.

Me: *grinning* most interesting *sips tea* Natsu nearly gets sucked into the whirlpool when ta-dah! *makes spirit fingers* a scaley hand snatched Natsu from it. I had a strong feeling from that ending that the hand was extremely reminiscent of a certain dragon we all love...loved.

Wendy: *nods solemnly* Natsu’s father Igneel. All of us lost our parents that day too unfortunately but not in the same way Natsu lost his tragically.

Me: *trying not to cry* I hear that *sniffles* so that’s how we are left in Chapter 19 those bastard creators. *pauses* hey why wasn’t that bleeped?

*production informs me that bastard isn’t that bad of a word compared to the ones I had been using and reminds audience that this show is for mature audiences only despite the bleeped out words because beeping everything is a struggle for the editing team*

Me: okay now it’s on to the most recent update, Chapter 20. We find out that scaley hand that rescued Natsu is indeed a dragon! We, being the readers, also notice how incredibly and unmistakingly similar this dragon and Igneel look.

Wendy: We were all honestly terrified when this dragon revealed himself. We didn’t know whether he was there to help or hurt us.

Me: Understandable I mean look at that thing. However we find out he’s mostly there to motivate Natsu to defeat the Water God Dragon and ultimately decides the best way to help Natsu is to set the fish city on fire using its own fire. While this seemed discouraging the dragon wants Natsu to consume the fire so it will help him defeat the Water God Dragon. The dragon also says he wants to fight Natsu at his best himself. So why does this mysterious Igneel-looking dragon want to help Natsu and also fight and defeat Natsu? Well that’s what the big reveal of this chapter was.

Me: *takes dramatic pause*

Wendy: *smiles knowingly*

Audience: *holds breath*

Readers: *yawns*

Me: *SHOUTS* ITS IGNEEL’S MOTHER *BEEP* SON YALL. *STANDS UP CAUSING TEA TO SPILL* HIS “TRUE” SON. AND BOIIIIII I’D BE LYIN IF I SAID THAT BOI AINT FINE BECAUSE HE IS ONE GOOD LOOKIN DUDE. I MEAN DO YALL SEE THOSE TATTOOS?!? ALSO WHAT THE *BEEP* DOES THIS MEAN? HES A FIRE GOD DRAGON! HO-LY HELL

Wendy: *nervously sips her tea and realizes why Panther Lily and Carla called Me intense*

Me: *still raging* I JUST CANT BELIEVE IT! I CANT WAIT TO SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING AND IVE GOT A FEELING ITS GONNA BE GOOD *relaxes and sits back down* Just wow Wendy I cant wait for what this Quest has in store for us because we are only 20 chapters in and it’s been ridiculous.

Wendy: *still smiling* I know it’s an exciting quest and adventure that truly tests the feelings, will, and strength of our team.

Me: *tearing up* I can only imagine. I can’t wait to get to the end of this long and winding road but I also want it to last forever because I don’t want Fairy Tail to end.

Wendy: *stunned* what do you mean, end?

Me: *saddened* we originally weren’t going to find out what happened to y’all on the 100 Year’s Quest but then, thanks to this super cool and awesome fandom, we were able to push the creators to continue the manga.

Wendy: Wow we really owe a lot to our fandom then

Me: *nods respectingly* yes yes we do. I know I owe a lot to my followers here on the blog, er, show.

Wendy: Why’s that?

Me: Apparently 500 people like my blog, I mean show, enough to follow me for every time I post something new. *begins meaningful speech* I couldn’t be more happy or thankful for every single one of them. I never imagined I would have this many followers because I started with 0 followers and had no connections or friends on here who already had followers and give shout outs to me, right away of course, but now people seem to like what I post and I literally couldn’t be more thankful for them. I post for them.

Wendy: *tearful* that was a really lovely speech.

Me: thanks Wendy. I suppose I should make an edit dedicated to all of them.

Wendy: that’s a nice gift and very kind of you.

Me: no *shakes head and looks off into the distance* how kind of them.

To be continued...

[wildlingknight]

So like I wrote this stuff down around September 2017 with the intention to write a fic about it (I might still do that when I have more time) but it’s just sitting and festering in my drive so I’ll put it here for now and build on it when uni is done. It’s a super long post but I did put a cut in.

There’s a whole bunch of mind vomit stuff here:

 I was talking to my discord group about things that could have been added to Botw because I’d gotten to a point in the game when I’d done mostly everything and was just putting off facing Ganon because I didn’t want it to end. So I came up with gods and spirits that you might meet in random places and sometimes they have quests for you or something. Taken directly from the server:

“This isn't really a hc more a random idea but what if there were time specific places on the map in botw? Like I just found  place on the side of death mountain called shadow hamlet ruins, what if you go there and it's just some ruined houses with a meteor wizzrobe in any other time but on the night of a new moon there's like creepy shadows that kinda come out of the wood work and shadows of the ruins and they don't exactly attack you but make you super uneasy and circle you a bit and it's like the people who lived and died there as a result of the calamity, like we know it corrupts the living but what if it doesn't let the dead rest either?

Like there are places all over hyrule that are just places until you visit them on a specific night or day or when certain parameters are met and you have a unique little event happen like a person you wouldn't meet any other time with items you can only get from them or maybe the dragons rest somewhere and you can just stumble across them, or more spirits and godlike beings who you wouldn't come across any other time apart from this one random spit of woodland halfway up the dueling peaks on a night where it's raining you come across an ethereal glowing woman or something who watches over the plants and mushrooms like glow like her, and you can't really interact with them because we are insignificant to them, they are so indifferent to us with our mortal comings and goings that the most we can hope for is a glimpse of them, just to make the world feel even more alive than it already does

I think Link is more aware of them because he is goddess chosen, goddess touched, and he's a gentle and pure soul who they in turn are drawn to, I like that he has a connection to them through having being dead but I personally like to think they're a bit afraid of him, he was brought back through science like magic without the godesses interference or hands, that shouldn't happen he died and by all means should have stayed dead but here he is, wandering hyrule saving people and dragons and riding gods across plains and placating giant mechanical creatures that will only listen to him, in their eyes he's a fucking monster or demon

And they know you don't piss off a demon who denied death so they're cautious but curious in equal measure”

And then neatened up and made less mind vomity:

Ruins

On specific nights- different for each ruin- the ghosts of the people who lived and died there during the calamity come out on the night they were wiped out. Different for each place depending on how close they were to castle and what the actual cause was, e.g. castle town would have been hit first and hardest by the Calamity itself so that would get spooky on the night of Zelda’s birthday every year. If they are fairly far away from the castle e.g. Shadow Hamlet ruins on the far side of Death Mountain, it would be a different night and they would feel different due to the nature of their deaths, such as being wiped out by monsters fuelled and powered by the Calamity. They don’t attack but most travellers accidentally come across them and fear for their lives saying ruins are haunted at night so they try to avoid them, preferring to go to living villages or taking their chances with monsters out on the roads or in the woods. When Link (and later Zelda) enter the ruins on the specific night they act up the spirits hiss and circle him and lament their passing in groans and wails but they do not come close because he is light and they cannot touch him. He died for them and Zelda cried for them, they are Goddess chosen and Goddess touched.

Lesser Gods and Spirits

Found all over Hyrule, again during different specific times when certain parameters are met.

A lesser Goddess who watches over plants and mushrooms that glow with the same ethereal light as her- can only be found where they grow in abundance, like the pillar in Kakariko on a rainy night during a new moon, and also conversing with Cotera the great fairy there.

A giant stag with two faces who watches over the life and death of animals, seen all over Hyrule as long as there’s a moon showing, so not on cloudy nights. Eyes like miniature galaxies and coat the colour of moss, fur appears to be made of grass and hooves of wood and several times the amount of antlers normal deer have that are white like bleached bone and strung with what looks to be pearls.

A woman with long black hair, horns like a Lynels and the face of a wolf who’s snout ends turned up like a Moblin’s, with three eyes that constantly glow like the reflection of a cats at night and who’s mouth doesn’t move when she speaks in a growl and smoke and sparks emits from her open mouth over her lolling black tongue- the Mother of Monsters and she hates Link.She doesn’t attack him when he meets her but she is unkind to him and she growls and snarls at him, threatening to curse him and his children’s children for as many of hers he has killed. Found in Akkala in Rok woods and Tempest Gulch most commonly but also occasionally other places, can take the form of a monstrous wolf when the need to escape arises.

A child made of water that swims with the fish, watches over everything that lives and breathes in water. The Zora refer to them as ‘The Child of Nayru’, and offer to them to keep the fish they eat good and plentiful. Seen by Link on the banks of the Rutala river when he stops for a drink after tackling the Rucco Maag shrine. Ripples like water constantly so it’s difficult to pin down specific features or gender, and voice is almost gurgling sounding

A giant scarab beetle, white and iridescent, often seen in the desert around Dragon’s exile and known to Tera, the great fairy at the Gerudo Great Skeleton, the god of all insects. (There’s a joke going round Hyrule that Beedle is the god of all insects.)

The spirits that are just going about their work are cautious but curious about Link. Usually they are indifferent to mortals, their everyday motions and wants insignificant in the grand scheme of things. The Calamity was a tragedy, but nature still goes on so they can’t afford to abandon their work.

Link and Zelda

The Gods are frightened of them. Link died and should be subject to the laws of all living things but here he stands, blemished but alive, and yet it was not the Goddesses who chose this, it was without their aid, a magic forged by man. Instead he wanders, alive and well, helping who he can, man and spirit alike, Dragons take notice of him, Gods allow his burden upon their backs, abominable machines who listen to only him, at his command. And Zelda isn’t dead either, they should be dead, they had their time, had their chance. They carry too much light within them it hurts the spirit’s and god’s eyes to look upon them.

Once while I was playing with my friend we were talking about the koroks and I came up with a hc on how they’re born I guess:

“Maybe they're branches that fall off the deku tree when they start to rot because hes old as balls so I bet he loses branches like old men lose hair and then because of like forest magical bullshit they become the new children of the forest and they grow up to be like Hestu and it takes thousands of years for them to reach like 'maturity' but when it's time for the deku tree to die one of the korok will take his place but all those who grow to maturity before he dies go out into the lost woods and set up root and become the ogre trees”

And then because I like to hurt them while they’re all sleeping:

“I'll just leave this here for when y'all wake up, what if the reason Wild likes to eat so much is because he is trying to fill the void of loneliness left behind after his friends in the army start treating him differently after he becomes the chosen one and because of Zelda's initial dislike of him then after he wakes up from the shrine of resurrection he doesn't know why he's so hungry all the time until after he starts remembering zelda and then realises he's doing the same thing, trying to fill the void left in him after losing everyone he loved and half his memories and having to wait until he's strong enough to see Zelda again”

Enjoy!

[wonpillows]

haikyuu!day6

sungjin - dad captain - ace or that one all round guy - gets some sort of injury every playing season - really good team talks, really embarrassing point celebrations - probably one of the reasons why his team is very well known around the country - makes sure everyone drinks enough water during any sort of resting break - *jae gets called off* - sungjin, from on court: stay hydrated! - race between him and wonpil to lift spirits - “they scored one point, we’ll score two more!” - knows all the cringey lines - blames himself for every loss - never takes credit for any win - friends with all the captains - (”sungjin isn’t as scary as he looks. I watched him cry during ‘The Notebook’.”) - spare kneepads for his team - came up with the idea of having their names on the back of their jersey (brian sided with him immediately) - seems calm on the outside - danger sounds, clashing pans, red flashing warning lights on the inside - only when wonpil is serving - he’s been hit on the back of the head one too many times

jae - even though he looks like tsukki, he’s part of the pretty setter squad - works best with brian - likes to remind sungjin that, he, jae, is his hyung - “WHAT DOES AGE HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?” - sungjin - ‘accidentally’ hits wonpil with volleyballs - just shows his accuracy, and so, why he’s a setter - causes most injuries whenever he gets the chance to attack - watch out for his serves - chicken man is gonna send the deadliest of serves your way. spectators, watch out for the rebound - superstitious - ‘jae you don’t need your glasses’ - ‘we’ll lose if i don’t wear them’ - has to get a new frame after every 2 or 3 games cause they always break - claims he taught dowoon all the tips and tricks - his setting pattern varies all the time even his teammates get confused - ‘i thought you were passing to brian!’ - ‘so did they.’ - says his cues in different languages - ‘i told you to go left’ - ‘how was i supposed to know when i can’t understand you!’ - laughs when wonpil someone falls - may be most confusing but makes the best plays. honestly.

young k - ace, no doubt - has YOUNG K (capitalised and double bolded) on the back of his jersey - paid extra to get it done that way - rarely washes his kit (pls shower) - gets banned from matches by sungjin unless he showers and cleans his kit - late night training - followed up by completing his homework due for the next day - usually forgets his water to practice - steals wonpils - finds any moment to snack - ‘it helps me get energy back’ - ‘brian, thats a Super-Fruiter, Extra-Sour, Happy-Lucky-Trail, Wine Gum Mixture.’ - most likely to succeed in the sport but chooses academics over continuing with the sport at the start of one year - immediately regrets his decision after one day and goes running back to the team - poor dowoon had his hopes up for being the ace - low-key the reason why people from other schools cheer for their team - prime time for sweaty!brian and forehead!brian… maybe even bandana!brian if youre lucky - sleeps after every game - misses half of the warm up because he was asleep between matches

wonpil - libero or reserve - team’s number 1 cheerleader - #letwonpilplay - first one to step forward when dowoon says he needs help with practice - actually the one who washes brian’s kit so that he can attend the matches - bakes treats and snacks for the team - when he finally is on court, he can be a great setter - but a terrible server - which is why he’s a reserve (wonpil work on ur serve then u can be on the court team) - lord save us all, who knows who’s going to get hit with his serves - good thing he’s useful defence too - team formation when he’s on : 4:2 (4 attackers + switching libero, 2 setters) - makes other teams scared to hurt him - used to get knocked over whenever he received a spike - now he only stumbles - hands out premade thank you cards to everyone on the opposing team after the game - and congratulations cards if they’re beat - once handed out ‘congratulations on your baby’ cards cause the store ran out of general ones

dowoon - the next generation’s ace - seems quiet on court - ‘big buff boy can’t do anything’ - boom, spike to the face - highest jumper - picks his own number cause he can get away with it - sungjin goes against him saying it needs to be orderly - dowoon got his own number - most competitive. against brian. - he just really wants to be ace - tries to play mind games by shouting out things for the other team to hear (but rly does want the ball) - other team easily catches on  that he’s being ignored - but don’t worry that’s a secret team tactic - dowoon doesnt know about it - get dowoon rly annoyed so that he spikes the ball terrifyingly hard a few times when it gets passed to him - now he needs to do that all the time without being provoked to become ace - really just everyone’s favourite player and always gets player’s player of the season award - can earn 10 points by making the other team continually make mistakes - doesn’t go along with the receive plan. ever. - legit just everyone’s favourite player, they will fight you if breathe the wrong way around him.

[thepoeticwit]

2018 Re-Solutions

Discussing new year resolutions with Stephanie Yap at IACT Christian Fellowship

  On 14 January 2019, we had our ex-President now CF Advisor Stephanie Yap speak to us on new year resolutions, reflecting on the past year and anticipating what is to come for the new year. Last year in 2018, our theme for the year is on Gifts, with a vision to witness the fruit of the Spirit bear within everyone in CF and in every individual that comes to the house of the Lord; a mission to gather Christians to be the salt and light for God and His people through our worship, fellowship and discipleship. (1 Corinthians 12: 1-11; Ephesians 4: 1-16)    Stephanie shared with us some of her resolutions, two of which were getting disciplined (waking up on time, sleeping on time, reading the Word more, being early) and getting focused (figuring out her niche, intentionally talk to people, work hard). 

  Our lives are pretty much like the Netflix show ‘Bandersnatch’ in which every choice we make has a consequence that shapes reality (though some choices won’t really matter or make that big a difference). 2019-- as with every new year-- is either a chance to start over or will be the same as every other year with no significant change. Stephanie then made a point, saying “2019 is a chance to start over, but it will be the same as every other year if it is anchored in the wrong person”       We discussed our choices: do we anchor ourselves in Christ, or do we anchor ourselves in our self? As we discussed, we figured that it would be better to anchor ourselves in Christ rather in ourselves because we can only do so much on our own by our own strength whereas in Christ, we can do so much more by His abundant grace. Since we as human beings are limited and fall short of many things, we would end up relapsing back into defaults and would have everything just the same. So when the next year comes, we’d be wondering “will 2020 be a chance to start over, or just the same as every other year?”

  In John 15:5, Jesus says, “I am the vine, you are the branches. If you remain in me, and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me, you can do nothing.” Similarly, in Psalms 16:2 it says, “I say to the LORD, ‘You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.’” How important it is, then, should we be a part of Christ, to be anchored in Him so that we can bear fruit. There are reasons why we as Christians remain in Christ, and that is mainly because He abides with us. This is in contrast with what the world usually tells us, how we should be confident in our own selves and our own strength. 

Because He Cares For You

  So why be anchored in Christ? The first reason is because He cares for you. In Matthew 6:30-31, it is said, “...if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown in the fire tomorrow, He will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? So don’t worry about these things, saying ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will wear?’ These thoughts dominate the hearts of unbelievers, but your Heavenly Father already knows all your needs”. Coming to this point, Stephanie challenged us to ask ourselves what we have in common with unbelievers. It is this: worries. We, as human beings, tend to worry a lot. What is supposed to make us different as salt and light of the earth is that we trust in the Lord our God who provides for us, who knows our purpose, and who is our everything. 

  There was this one sentence in the verse that caught hold of Stephanie, which was: “Why do you have so little faith?” A lot of times we depend on experience when we are least aware of it. But take a look at King David. Should you observe his character, you would recognise that he had a gift in leadership. As a leader, you would tend to think-- based on experience-- that you would go with the formula that works best simply because you have been through it before. But what did David do? He went to God and consulted with Him each time before going out to battle. That in itself is astounding. Like, would you even consider going to God before starting on college assignments (not counting the very last minute ones or that which is past due, of course)? It would seem that a difficulty in this area of ours would imply that we do not have the practice of building our faith. So we should, by all means, go to God before any task be it in our assignments, our services to Him, or even in our interactions with our friends. All this, because he cares for us.

Because Everything Of This World Will Eventually Fade

 We should be anchored in Christ because everything of this world will eventually fade. The world actually preaches that you should be great and that you should leave a mark on this world. It is actually not bad and it doesn’t really fall far from the Bible which tells us to do excellently and be a good example. However, the Bible also makes a stark contrast by saying, “Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.” (Matthew 6:19-21) This verse calls to mind a particular word of interest: disappointment. We easily get disappointed at a lot of things be it team mates, our grades, and generally get very disappointed in life (or with life). 

  We would think thoughts like, “Oh, I’m supposed to be in a Christian family, thus everything is supposed to be nice and orderly” or “This is supposed to be a church, everyone is supposed to be nice to each other” or “This is supposed to be CF, people shouldn’t be gossiping”. Truth be told, these are things on earth. Your system, the CF, our gatherings, and even the place that we gather in are all temporary. Don’t take this the wrong way: it’s not like we shouldn’t put our heart in it or give our all for these things. However, at the end of the day, you can do all things but your heart is not meant to be here. Setting your heart on earthly things would give cause to see everything crumble down, because that is just the nature of life here on earth-- temporary and fading away. 

   In Psalm 144:4, it says “Man is like a breath; his days are like a passing shadow”. Stephanie shared how she felt God spoke to her by this verse; it was like He is telling us that we tend to put our hope in human beings as well-- people who are gone, even. We should indeed look up to the legacy that Christians before us have left behind, reading up on them and their works, and being encouraged by them. Yet, everything has a potential to become an idol. When even the best of the saints become our idols, in the end, we realise that they can disappoint us too. Anchor yourself in Christ because He is the only person who does not and will not disappoint you! “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8)

Because He Is The Giver Of Dreams

    We should anchor ourselves in Christ because He is the giver of dreams therefore only He can see it to completion. For some of us (especially those of us who are IACT students) we would have immense amounts of opportunities before us and thus we have big dreams. Conversely, we can be on the opposite end seeing no opportunities at all and wonder, “what’s the point?” Stephanie shared how she was at this state, but felt God saying to her, “Dream bigger.” Then she replied, “But doesn’t that contradict Your lesson to me all these years not to put my identity in my dreams? Because Lord, You know the way You made me, that I will go all the way in full force and then I will be disappointed.” Then the Lord said to her, “You already have your answer right there: who do you put your trust in? The dream coming to pass, or Me coming through for you?”  

   If you have no idea where to start on your devotions, go look up the stories of Abraham, Joseph (in Genesis), King David, etc. These are some of the people who are people of faith who put their trust in God and see their dreams come true. Could you ever imagine that, in today’s time, God suddenly says to you “you will become a nation” meaning that you will be a race of your own? That was what it was like when God told Abraham the exact same thing, and imagine how Abraham would have felt as a human being who did not really know God’s will at large at the time. Yet, still he trusted in the Lord. David was given the call to be king of Israel when he was just a very young teenager and didn’t become king until he was around 30 years old.   

   Like David, some of us may have had prophetic words/words of knowledge spoken over us, over the years even, in church or other about what our futures may be like. Don’t let those dreams die yet. We should be like Mary, Jesus’ mother, and keep these things in our heart. Mary didn’t see how Jesus was the Saviour of nations although she had bore witness to Jesus’ life, ministry, sacrifice, resurrection, and the ministry of the church after these things in her own lifetime (not to say that she didn’t, she probably did). Yet, on the grander scheme of things, she wouldn’t be able to see past her own timeline to see Christ’s work on earth after her own time. It is the same with us. God works in our life not just for our timeline but for a bigger timeline. He wants to work in your timeline for sure, but trust that you are a part of something that is much bigger. So when you walk in God’s will, you are actually part of something much bigger than yourself. 

2019 Resolutions: How do we be anchored in Christ?

  So that’s that. We are anchored in Christ for those three reasons: because He cares for us, because everything in this world will eventually fade, and because He alone is the giver of dreams and thus the only one who can bring those dreams to completion. Now comes the next question: How do we become more anchored in Christ? We anchor ourselves in Christ by trusting God and not the dreams or works; identifying with Him, not the world; knowing Him above ourselves; and having fellowship often with one another.

Trust God, not the works or the dreams.

  In Psalm 37:5 it says, “Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do it.” The thing about this verse is how it says that He will do it. Not you, but He. We may place a lot of emphasis on how we are doing, on what our hands can do, and when we fail, we condemn ourselves. Of course we need to do well and strive for excellence what more even now as students because how well we are doing in whatever that is entrusted to us is an indicator of our walk with Christ. People will be looking at us, watching us. So it is indeed important to do well in what we are doing as a testimony. But keep in mind that all of this is only possible because God enables it to be. “Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labour in vain; unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.” (Psalms 127:1) So while we work hard, we need to commit our way to the Lord lest it be in vain. 

Identify with Him, not with the world.

  We live in a world, in such a time as this where there are a lot of “isms” (feminism, veganism, minimalism, atheism, capitalism, communism, etc.). In a world with a variety of worldviews and philosophies, our sole truth and guiding principle as Christians is the Word of God. In Romans 12:2 it says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is-- His good, pleasing and perfect will.” The first imperative in this verse is a “don’t”: Don’t be conformed to the world’s patterns. But then it is also followed by an imperative to “do”: Be transformed by the renewing of your mind. The way to not conform to the pattern of this world is to actively transform your mind by reading the Word of God. 

  Not only do we renew our minds when we read the Word of God, but we will be able to test and approve what God’s will is. Let’s take a look at the word “Test”. We look into the Word of God to seek affirmation (to test ourselves) on whether or not what we are doing is right, whether we are moving in the right direction as a CF, whether we are on the right track even as future leaders, or just as Christians. Now let’s take a look at the word “Approve”. What do we approve of in today’s day and age? It can be simple things like “I approve of this colour” or “I like your dressing today, I approve it” or “I agree with you”. Come to think about it, we can’t approve or agree with something if we don’t love it. It’s the same with God and His good, pleasing, and perfect will. We must come to love God and His word so much that we will approve of these things so much that we would even want to transform ourselves in the renewing of our minds! 

Know God, above yourself.

  The first line of Psalm 46:10 says “Be still and know that I am God...”. There is this saying that some would say: “I wanna find myself this year”. But what does that really mean? What does it really mean to find oneself? Because really, to find oneself would entail searching inward which would be disappointing enough should the person not have Christ. In and of ourselves, we lack, and all that we have are only superficial things. Thus, in the end, all that we have within ourselves is emptiness. Even the best of things on earth do not compare to the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:8) We should be seeking God instead.

  What would it then mean to be still and know that He is God? Probably because that is all we ever need to know and the starting point in which we come to know (more of) who God is. To know that God is good takes experience of God’s goodness in one’s life. To know that God is provider also takes experience of His providence in one’s life (and so it goes with other attributes of God, like Him being Healer, or Father). Knowing that He is God is the start, because when we acknowledge that He is God, we acknowledge that He is in control (and we worship a God who is in control. If He is not in control, then He’d rather not be God at all!) Too often we get ourselves caught up in the illusion that we are in control of our own lives when in reality, we do not have everything in our control at all. So we ought to get ourselves out of that illusion and see for ourselves that He is God, and we are not. 

Fellowship often.

  Fellowship often with one another. We, as Christians are members of Christ’s body. So we ought to commune together with one another as we do with God. Stephanie left us with a word from Ephesians 3:14-21 that says, “I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” 

  How we are able to know this deep, wide, long and wide love of Christ that surpasses knowledge is to fellowship with Christ, that is also to fellowship with those who are members in His body. “Let us not neglect our meeting together, as some have made a habit, but let us encourage one another, and all the more as you see the Day approaching” (Hebrews 10:25) Not only this, but there are more places in Scripture in regards to us being the body of Christ. (Romans 12:5; 1 Corinthians 12:12–27; Ephesians 3:6 and 5:23; Colossians 1:18 and Colossians 1:24.) Also consider how in our loving one another we make manifest our love for God and His love in us as well. (John 13:34-35; 1 John  4:19-21). 

Recap.

  With each new year, as well as every new moment, it is always an opportunity for new beginnings. However, should we lose our focus and anchor ourselves in the wrong person, it could end up just the same as usual with no difference. We should anchor ourselves in Christ because He cares for us, because everything in this world will eventually fade but He remains the same, and because He is the giver of dreams therefore only He can bring them to completion all for His glory. 

  We become anchored in Christ when we trust in God and not in the works and dreams, when we identify with Him and not with the world, when we are still and know that He is God who is in control, and when we fellowship with one another in the love of Christ making manifest even greater the immensities of his everlasting steadfast love. 

  Should we anchor ourselves in Christ, we will be able to grow and bear much fruit, for apart from Him we truly cannot do a single thing.

(Scriptures cited and referenced from various versions of the Holy Bible)

[tripile]

A Winter CSF Leak Update

I’ve received many very similar emails and DMs during the last few days.

“Jodi…?” the messages start out. “I don’t want to bother you but it has been a long time since you posted, and I’m really starting to worry.”

“Jodi: blink twice if you’re ok?”

“Jodi, here is a llama walking into an optometrist’s office in France. I thought of you! Also, ARE YOU OK?”

In a world of easy access to people’s inboxes, readers have only been a pleasure, a virtual cloud of warmth and never a burden. And when so many of you ping at once, I know I am due for an update. In this slow bedrest state, life feels like a woozy Groundhog Day. I love the filaments that connect me to so many of you, reminding me not to lose track of time entirely. I am so humbled by your care.

***

When I was a kid, my mother said my first word was a word. Instead of continuing along those lines, apparently the next thing I started said was a sentence, “see car go by.”

“And then,” my family jokes, “she never stopped talking!”

Being at a loss for words is not a problem I normally have. But yes, I have been very lax at updating because it’s been hard to find words for what I’m feeling.

A Leaky Anniversary

January 26 was the one year anniversary of the patch that sealed me last year. I had a really rough and heart-wrenching time reckoning with where I am on this anniversary. Instead of scaffolding off the slow and arduous recovery that followed the anaphylaxis and procedure, I am in bed.

Again.

For many months.

If you’re just tuning in, the CSF leak that sealed up and was healing reopened because I sat on the ground. Gingerly. Not even enthusiastically. I went from 4-5km walks a day, to no walking in record time.

At first, I was in extreme denial that something so small, so inhibited could blow out the scar tissue that had months to form. But one by one, each symptom I had in 2017 came back. I keep detailed daily logs of every symptom, supplement or mediation, and food. I couldn’t deny what I was experiencing.

Then, the grief. The anger. The deep sadness, the kind that suffocates all hope.

We learn about the “stages of grief” in popular culture, but what happens when they just cycle over and over? When you think you’ve come out the other side and can breathe again, when you tilt your face up at a brighter-than-you-remembered sun, only to find that you’re back in the dark?

***

My body, when I releaked, was in far better shape than the initial leak in 2017. Labs last summer showed improvements and lower inflammatory markers. I tried to stay positive. My friends and family came to visit. My inbox overflowed with llama photos.

As fall turned to winter, I saw some wonderful improvements. I stopped having the “brain sag” of my brain smushing into my spine due to low pressure. I moved into “high pressure” again, which is usually a symptom of the leak starting to seal over — the extra CSF produced while leaking backs up against the hole now tentatively closed. I started on the meds to lower intracranial pressure to prevent the fragile seal from bursting due to pressure. I felt cautiously optimistic.

And then a few weeks later in mid-December, I had an awful nightmare in my sleep. I remember it perfectly. And I also remember what woke me up: the excruciating pain in my back.

After an epidural blood patch to seal a CSF leak, the discharge instructions note that there’s to be no bending, lifting, or twisting for many weeks, but also that coughing or sneezing can blow out the patch due to intrathecal pressure. Many fellow leakers have blown out their patches — a clot or glue covering the leak temporarily while your own body can heal with scar tissue underneath — from constipation (pushing), sneezing, coughing, laughing.

Suspend your humanness while you can, the unsaid instructions whisper. Don’t do anything that can compromise this seal.

In my case, this nightmare I had blew out the seal and I was back to square one.

The Roller-Coaster of Ups and Downs

It is difficult for me to express the crazy-making nature of this condition.

No imaging sensitive enough to show a leak in many cases, including where it is located in the spine. Many people are chronically misdiagnosed because their imaging is normal. Normal imaging, the leak experts have learned, does not exclude a leak.

So the best way to know if you are leaking is via your symptoms, which only exacerbates your anxiety about what may or may not be happening in your body. It is a very tough, very exhausting dance to undertake. I have struggled the most with this balance of attempting to stay in touch with my body while also uncurling my clenched hands from the eventual outcome. Science tells us that focusing ad nauseum on our pain can magnify it in our minds, hence the usefulness of mindfulness and other meditation.

When your condition requires a focus on pain, and you also know you need to stay equanimous to heal effectively? That is a total mindfuck.

***

In mid-December, a close family member took a turn for the very worse. The funeral was around Christmas. I was too unwell to attend. Combined with the Re-Re-leak, I spiralled pretty solidly into a very bleak place.

If I’ve learned anything in this madness, it’s that staying in the black hole of despair is not how you heal. With the crutches of visits and calls from close friends, someone to talk with who specializes in grief, and the tools I’ve drawn on at the worst of times, I was able to wrench myself to a better place.

But still, I am not sealed and healed.

***

I put off Duke when I re-leaked because of what happened during the last round of patching. There is a lesson about anxiety in that procedure too: in my most creative of nightmares, I never imagined anaphylaxis as part of what could go wrong.

But it did, and while they will not use fibrin glue again (suspecting that was the cause for anaphylaxis), I’ve written about how my body seems to be stuck in that very reactive, anaphylax-y place. My mast cells degranulated all over the place and LOVED it. They seem to enjoy doing so again and again since, not only to foods but also smells – and even hot showers.

Given how pear-shaped things went last time, I wanted to give my body a long chance to seal before committing to another procedure. When I did seemingly seal up in November, I was so thrilled. It didn’t (and doesn’t) matter to me if it takes a long time, though my parents have the patience of saints. If slow and steady was the way, I was ok with that as long as I sealed up.

I will be honest: my turbulent December and January have tested the limits of my capacity for grace and patience and hope. I have been on bedrest for quite a few months. While I’m not bored, the pain levels are pretty unconscionable and keeping my spirit up has been a mighty challenge.

From my own calculus: if I do need to go back to Duke, I want to know I gave my body a full shot.

That way, if – IF – things go awry again during a procedure, I won’t be able to look back and say, “should have given it a bit more time.”

***

So where are we now? It’s February, and almost at my favourite holiday in the world: Vietnamese lunar new year or Tet. An amazing reader named Wendy just sent me a pic of lamp in my name from her family’s temple in Malaysia, a New Year wish of health and prosperity. Lunar new year was a time for reflection and cleaning and cleansing for my years in Asia, and I’ve kept that spirit during my return to Mexico and Canada. New Year starts in a few days, and with it I hope a better climate for healing.

I have seen such progress since the re-leak, progress I didn’t see when first in bed in 2017. I keep flipping into high pressure as it starts to seal, then unsealing. It may be that I need intervention after all, but I still have hope that the JodiDura-that-could comes through this winter. I’m eating a strict and healthy diet, meditating, visualizing, consistently working to bring my mind into a better space.

If I can’t seal during the winter, it certainly won’t be because I didn’t try.

Learning to be the Tortoise

There once was a speedy hare who bragged about how fast he could run. Tired of hearing him boast, Slow and Steady, the tortoise, challenged him to a race. All the animals in the forest gathered to watch. Hare ran down the road for a while and then and paused to rest. He looked back at Slow and Steady and cried out, “How do you expect to win this race when you are walking along at your slow, slow pace?” Hare stretched himself out alongside the road and fell asleep, thinking, “There is plenty of time to relax.” Slow and Steady walked and walked. He never, ever stopped until he came to the finish line. The animals who were watching cheered so loudly for Tortoise, they woke up Hare. Hare stretched and yawned and began to run again, but it was too late. Tortoise was over the line. After that, Hare always reminded himself, “Don’t brag about your lightning pace, for Slow and Steady won the race!”

The moral lesson of the Aesop’s “Tortoise and the Hare” fable is that sometimes you can be more successful by doing things slowly and steadily than by rash action. The race (of life) isn’t necessarily won by the fastest or strongest animal, but by those who persist in the face of obstacles – including the obstacle of time.

I undertook my life in the stubborn spirit of the hare.

I went to law school straight from grade 13 (CEGEP, in Quebec) because someone bet me I couldn’t get in. I took a job in NYC because on my first day of law school, someone said, “you don’t deserve to be here. Go back to high school where you belong. And don’t bother getting a job in New York City – you’ll never succeed.” When I quit my law job, it wasn’t for a two month trip, it was for an open jaw adventure to Siberia that unfurled into a glorious and food-filled new career.

My identity for years was the lawyer who quit her job to eat soup. As I’ve laid in bed on and off since 2017, I’ve watched the travel industry and my fellow writers move on with their lives. Mine feels very stuck. I am very unused to not being able to solve problems by DOING, and it is a monumental shift in my mindset. Above and beyond the leak, my health will require a different way of approaching work.

Apparently it’s time to be the tortoise.

Tortoise pic from one of the first adventures in my round-the-world trip: the Galapagos Islands in Ecuador

I’m still feeling around the edges of what that means for me. Sealing and healing will require me to change a lot about how I approach work and achievement, because excessive doing is a surefire way to undo my progress. There’s a lot here I hope to write about in the future, about learning to get under your mind and into your heart.

About listening to your body before it’s too late.

About not necessarily taking every bet that comes your way as a life challenge.

For now, though, I don’t know what I will redefine life “as.” I trust that it will unfold in its own way. While mourning the life I had, I also feel curious about what comes next.

But first: this leak in my spine needs to be firmly sealed for me to get walking again.

***

Thank you all as always for the caring notes, the questions, and the overwhelming support and love. I am extraordinarily lucky to have such a robust army of cheerleaders around the world.

Many of you have dedicated your meditation practices to my health, and for that I am grateful. I do plan to restart the group meditations next week, on Sunday February 10th. If you are interested in joining, the first 7 weeks are here, and you can enjoy any of the meditations as the tracks are all on that post.

I have been meditating alone here, but with all that unfolded I couldn’t manage the group ones during the holidays. I appreciate how many emails I’ve received asking when they’ll restart, and I am so glad many of you find them helpful and a source of light.

I haven’t written publicly in a long time, but typing this post out with my thumbs felt very good. I missed it. And though I would still be writing if no one was reading, I’m glad to go through this very tough journey with a community like you to help make things better along the way.

Jodi

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